Nora Kinkaid Wants Her Life Back

Exposure

I ignited my aura and walked around my heart chakra again. I laid it out flat and began scraping off the layers of each chamber until I got down to the last smoother layer. It took three times but I got down to the original where I could see actual wounds. I kicked the gunk out of my aura and I assessed the open wound that was "work." I gathered most of it and threw it out of my aura as well. My heart was ignited at this point and I felt grief. I asked who I was sad about and then the alarm rang.

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Sometimes I wonder if I've been over-exposed to Darkness for too long. Exposure is an interesting concept. You get exposed to things all day long. The media, toxicity, chemicals. Life in general requires exposure. So it's super easy to forget that you're getting exposed to things that are not really good for you.

For instance, me and fragrance, we just don't click. When I'm exposed to fragrance I turn beet red. Not in a cute blush way but in a "oh I think you have a sunburn kind of way." It took me awhile to figure out that I was allergic to it and then it took me even longer to get rid of my perfumes. That's the problem with exposure. Even though you know you've been around something that's not good for you, it doesn't mean you're willing to give it up quickly.

Exposure to non-light beings is clever and crafty. I don't turn beet red when I'm near one. In fact, I often don't notice it until their gone. When I was a kid, I was exposed to Darkness and non-light beings all the time. I used to sense dead people. I know I told you I never saw them. That's true. I have never seen a dead person. Well I have, in like a casket but not showing up at the foot of my bed going boo! I used to sense my grandparents. They were dead. Just to make sure you understand.

I'd go to bed at night, look up at my ceiling and eagerly say goodnight to them. I could feel their presence hovering above my bed in a cloud of gray. It always felt kind comforting. I was relieved I knew who they were. I would march downstairs in the morning and tell my parents that I had been visited by Grandma and Grandpa and they would smile politely at me before exchanging a worried look.

I didn't think much of my grandparents floating above my bed because honestly why would I? I was eight. That seems pretty par for the course for an eight year old's imagination and besides it didn't freak me out. They were my grandparents after all. We even shared the same name. Nora was my grandmother's name. When I was born I was supposed to be an entirely different name all together but my dad panicked in the delivery room. As the story goes, he turned to my mom and said, "hey let's throw out the perfectly good name we had chosen and instead let's call her Nora Beatrice" or something along those lines. I don't know, I wasn't there. My mom acquiesced. I'm still resentful about it. I could have been sitting here with the name Grace Beatrice and I would have gone by Bea. I would have been one of those cool girls that goes by their middle name. But nope, Nora Beatrice was put on the birth certificate and that was that.

In my work with Christine, I discovered my family has a few non-light entities sprinkled throughout the generations. Well, every generation except for mine. I guess that's good news? Not sure if it's comforting but it is good news to know that there's no non-light beings in my immediate group. It means this specific Darkness can end with me. I have to tell you I'm not thrilled about this responsibility. It feels very demanding of Spry to put this on my shoulders. I didn't ask for a quest of fighting Darkness. I asked for a soulmate. If this is how I get there, so be it.

Some of my grandmother's family members were non-light beings. Crazy right? That spirit floating above my bed was a light entity that carried so much non-light energy with it that it basically transformed. I had been letting it into my life as long as I could remember. That's what I meant when I said Darkness has been around for a while. I had been passively accepting Darkness since my first memory of sensing things that aren't in the physical realm.

As I write this, it feels like an elephant is sitting on my chest and someone has put a metal weight on my head. Non-light beings really don't like to be talked about. They can't control the narrative. They especially hate airing of dirty laundry. Taste of their own medicine I suppose. I think it's easier if I just share what I wrote in my journal when I found out:

You've got to be kidding me. Oliver's girlfriend has the same non-soul energy as the women on Grandma Nora's side. I had a session with Christine and she confirmed my suspicions. This non-soul acts like a vampire. It feeds off of others energy both good and bad. It thrives on stirring pots and causing drama. Oliver's girlfriend has been talking about me and has been trying to access my soul.

Christine confirmed a lot of things. He had also been with someone else while we were together. He may marry this girl. She has her hooks in him and causes monumental amounts of energetic control. I actually accepted a portion of this non-soul when I was younger. It was given to me by Grandma. I now need to find a way to give it back. I have to eradicate it from me so that I can help Oliver's soul. It's been coming to me for safe harbor followed by the vampire's advances. This will end with me.

The vampire morphs. It changes and shapeshifts into confusion. I will end it. The rage I feel towards it will be replaced with motivation and I will decimate it so it can't hurt me anymore.

Really gets straight to the point doesn't it? It's not surprising really how impacted I was by Oliver's new girlfriend. When I was younger, Grandma Nora would always call me by my full name. "Nora Beatrice" she would say, and then she would tell me I was her favorite. But that wouldn't last long. She only played favorites when it was convenient for her. Thinking back now it's pretty fucked up how she treated me. She would single me out and depending on her mood decide if she liked me or not. I learned it was easy to be the favorite as long as I did what she wanted and never stood up for myself. I could experience the sensation of fitting in.

Fitting in feels a lot like being wrapped in a warm embrace of a non-light being just so you know. It inherently means you have to lose parts of yourself so you can be what other people want. Non-light beings will always want you to be less than so you never get rid of them. That's how they work and it's important to keep in mind.

Eventually, I caught a break. I think Spry intervened on my behalf. Grandma's spirit disappeared from my room. I felt lighter and freer. I began to lose the sensation of constantly thinking I had done something wrong. I didn't know it at the time but I had essentially been stock piling her non-light energy for years and had no idea.

Do you know what it feels like to discover you've been unknowingly carrying around Darkness? No you probably don't. It feels like doubting every decision you've ever made while simultaneously mourning the life you could have led.