Nora Kinkaid Wants Her Life Back

Betrayal

You couldn't have warned me? That he's seeing someone new? A tech person? Of course. Last night felt like my heart was breaking all over again. The pain I felt, hearing the hollowness of his voice. It all felt so sad. I shouldn't have slept with Todd. That was the wrong move. I didn't feel safe. He has Darkness on him I just know it. I should have kept it light. Why didn't you warn me? Everything about that conversation hurt me right to the core. As if I got everything ripped right out of my body. I'm sad it had to happen this way. He deserves every happiness in the world. As do I.

Last night I didn't know my worth. Instead I followed the old pattern and now have to live with the consequences. It physically hurts to think about Oliver. Finding someone new. Being there having a life without me. I'm not really having a life without him. What was I thinking chasing Jack, cheating on Oliver with Ben? I had someone great. And now someone else does. She is very lucky just as I once was to also have him. I know this is a time of pressure and growth, of shedding dead weight and building anew. But this is also a time of pain, hurt and frustration and I feel both equally. I am trying to have hope, I really am. Last night was a massive test where I feel like I came out more burned and broken than not. I'm glad I know this info about Oliver and that I have seen what I need to see about Todd. It just feels out of alignment with my big picture. Everything feels sullied and I am hurting.

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I would love to tell you this is the part in the story where I realize this was all in my head. But it wasn't. It suddenly got all too real. In the weeks after I learned this information, odd things started happening. Yes I know things have been really weird up to this point but let's just say, things escalated.

For instance, I began channeling almost every day. I thought about giving you those channels for your own knowledge but they're wild even by my standards. I was visited by Darkness so great that I had a conversation with it. When I told Christine about it, she cleared me immediately. I had a conversation with the girlfriend of a friend who told me she heard body bags zipping around her head when I went to sleep. I told her that wasn't normal and to return to the light. One night I woke up to the sensation that Darkness was at the end of my bed. It wasn't here for me but it was around in case I needed it.

All of a sudden it seemed like Darkness was closing in. I know this isn't normal. I had been living a fairly average life between the time I had left Boston and when I had left Todd. It made little sense that the time all of a sudden Darkness was on my doorstep. But looking back I can understand it.

What I knew at the time was that just thinking about Oliver's girlfriend gave me a physical reaction. Of course, this could have been pure old school ex-girlfriend jealousy but it just didn't sit right. Why did I feel sick to my stomach when I thought about her? I couldn't make sense of it. When I got the channel that Oliver's girlfriend had been asking around about me, it made me even madder. Not only was I pissed that she existed but she had the nerve to question my character. Of course I was hyper sensitive to this because my character hadn't exactly been reputable to date in Oliver's eyes. That was all I cared about. I would love to tell you I was giving myself grace and self-love and acceptance but that all flew out the window the moment I heard about her. I also began to lose control.

Two weeks after learning he had a girlfriend, I thought it was totally okay to text him the week before a friend's wedding to see if he would be my date. I knew they were still dating. I knew it was a dumb thing to do. I also knew it would piss the non-light entity part of her off. So I did it. Let me tell you. Bad move. Bad, bad move.

I went to the wedding with Anna and we shared a room. After falling asleep I woke up to her lunging across the bed and grabbing my arm so tightly I choked on air. She claims it was a night terror, an old nurse's habit of making sure I didn't fall out of the bed. But here's the thing, I had never left the bed. I was dead asleep when she lunged up and over the mound of pillows to grab me by the arm. She scared me so badly I couldn't sleep the rest of the night. That's what non-light beings do. They spread like wildfire to anything around them and fuck shit up left and right. I have zero regrets about texting him by the way. I don't care if Anna tried to kill me in my sleep. It was worth it to piss this non-light soul off. I wanted her out and away from Oliver as soon as possible but she wasn't budging.

Oliver politely texted me back asking to respect his relationship. He even went so far as to tell me he didn't think I was doing well and he hoped I would find peace. I snorted. The only thing that would help me find peace would be for his current girlfriend to get out of my energetic orbit. But who talks like that. Honestly his text made me feel worse. In his eyes I was this fucked up, neurotic woman asking for him to attend her friend's wedding out of the blue after finding out he had a girlfriend. I am aware that reads badly. It reads really badly. But cut me some slack, my higher soul was in a battle against something so dark and vicious I couldn't even see what was mine anymore.

The really sad part is after all this time, I can't tell what Oliver thinks about me now at all. I still can't feel him. When I think about it, my heart feels betrayed. With all the influx of information I was getting about every aspect of my life, I couldn't get a warning that my soulmate found a new one? That would have been incredibly pertinent information to have. I had done everything right. I practiced energy the way it was supposed to be practiced. I honored energetic boundaries. I desperately tried to follow the rules of the energetic and physical realm but I was out of my element. I couldn't ready what was mine anymore and once I realized how out of character the wedding was. I called in reinforcements.

When I got on the phone with Christine, it was clear something was wrong. I explained the reaction I got when I thought about Oliver's new girlfriend. I didn't even know her name but I wanted lose my shit. I had never had such a strong visceral reaction to someone in my life. Christine nodded understandingly and asked if I had done something to violate her energetic space. I was taken aback. I had never violated someone's energetic space in my life. Why would I violate hers? Christine asked me what I had been doing on the energetic playing field recently and I explained that I had begun incorporating signs into my channeling. You know, if this happens, send me a sign. If my ex-boyfriend happens to be controlled by a non-light energy, send me a sign. On one particular day, I asked for the following signs:

1. Does Oliver's soul have attachment to the negative energy. If yes, send me a black rose. If no, a red rose.

2. Can Oliver and my pure souls free of attachments find each other again? If yes send me an apple tree, if no, an orange tree.

3. Will Oliver's pure soul free of attachment to any entity be able to contact me in human form before November 30th of this year? If yes, send me the Drop Kick Murphy's song Shipping Up to Boston. If no, send me Amy Winehouse's Back to Black

4. Am I able to clear the negative attachment from Oliver's soul. If yes, send me a gold locket. If no, send me a sapphire ring.

I asked for these signs on 19th. I received an apple tree on the 20th, a black rose on the 21st and Back to Black on the 23rd. I got the sapphire ring sign the day after. The ring is confirmation that I am not able to clear the non-light being's attachment on Oliver's soul. I always knew that would be the case because he has to do the work himself. But part of me wanted it to be true so I could still have a thread, have a reason. I have no reason now and I feel the residual pain as I write this. It's truly his decision.

Ask yourself, if you were me and you got this information what would you do? If you knew your soulmate had a potential to come back to you free of non-light beings you would do everything in your power to fight for him wouldn't you? I know I would.