Out of Control (Damien x Reader)

𝙲𝚑𝚊𝚙𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝚃𝚑𝚒𝚛𝚝𝚢 𝙽𝚒𝚗𝚎 - 𝚃𝚛𝚊𝚞𝚖𝚊

I stared out the back window. My eyes were locked onto the freshly blooming roses Damien had planted a few weeks ago. They had blossomed quickly since his return, and it was something he was often proud of. His roses always looked the best. I was always amazed how gardening came so easy to him, and it was something he always did when he needed a moment alone. Which is where he stood now. Damien was crouched to the ground, knees bent with dirt brushed onto his jeans. He called them his "Gardening Jeans", and it was pretty much the only paired he owned. Damien stared at the buds as he snipped away the end pieces, tossing them aside in a bag. He sighed, wiping the sweat and looking up. His sweet brown eyes landed on me. We stared at each other for a moment before I broke the eye contact, turning my attention back to the kitchen sink, where I was washing dishes. We hadn't spoken much since that night with William and the engagement ring. Damien had tried to apologize, but I always found myself wanting to do something else. I was still shocked and angry with him. How else should I feel? He doesn't know if he wants to marry me. After all these years we had spent together? He didn't know? I rolled my eyes, I couldn't stand it.

The kitchen door swung open, and I chose not to lift my head. I already knew who it was, and what he wanted to say. I tried to ignore him as I dried the dish that was in my hand.

"Can we please talk?" Damien said through a smile, "Please? I've been sleeping on the couch for a week?"

"Then you can sleep in your bed." I shrugged as I placed the dish away, "I'll sleep on the couch."

Damien sighed and slid into the barstool, folding his hands out in front of him. I looked up for a second, just enough to catch his pleading eyes. Damnit. I dried my hands and leaned against the counter. I ushered him to continue.

"I want to apologize for what I said that night, that's not what I meant." Damien frowned, "I do want to marry you, it's just-" He trailed off, not wanting to continue. I raised my eyebrow, waiting. My blood was staring to boil, and I fought the urge to raise my voice at him. I wanted answers, not apologizes. I don't want to waste anymore time with someone if they don't know what they want.

"Just what, Damien?" I snapped. I couldn't hide the frustration in my voice. His eyes widened for a moment before he tilted his head to the side, giving me a strange look.

"I don't know if I'm ready for that step yet. Yes, it's something I want with you. I just don't know if I'm ready."

"So how long is that going to take, Damien?" I frowned, "A week? Two weeks, a month, even?"

Damien looked down onto the counter and said nothing. I nodded out of annoyance and slapped my hand down onto the counter. I started to storm out of the kitchen when Damien gently grasped at my forearm. He turned me towards him, his eyes soft and sweet.

"You have to understand why I'm not ready." He pleaded. It was hard for me to leave when Damien looked at me with those eyes, those sweet pleading eyes. The eyes that just begged me to listen and to love him. I closed my eyes for a minute, trying to relax myself as I sat down next to him. He grasped at my hand and we intertwined our fingers. Damien took a deep breath and squeezed my hand for a moment.

His breath shuttered, "The only other person I had ever loved this deeply was my late wife. And we moved in together and got married. And she died." Damien's eyes began to water as he stared down onto the marbled counter. "I'm afraid that the same thing is going to happen again."

"Damien, I'm not her-"

"But you are her!" Damien roared, throwing his hands out at me. He stared at me, going back and forth between my eyes as he struggled to find words. His eye's landed onto his outstretched hands and he watched as he pulled them back onto his lap. Damien swallowed hard, calming himself, "I just don't want to lose the person I love, again."

I looked at him deeply, not knowing what to say. I didn't know what to say to aid him. I understood where he was coming from, but I did not want to wait forever until he had the courage to rip off the Band-Aid and start new with me.  I tried to hide my irritation in my voice as I stood from my chair and placed my hands onto the marbled counter. I cleared my throat, tightly shut my eyes before opening them again and looking back into his eyes, "I understand." I turned my back from him and started to head out of the kitchen before Damien stood in a panic as he grasped for my hand, ripping me to his chest. He clutched onto me tightly as he pulled me into his warm and snug embrace. His body was shuttering under my own and I could feel his sputtering as he tried to stop himself from crying aloud. There was nothing more I could possibly say. Damien's hands ran through my hair, pulling himself away to look in my eyes. I smiled sorrowfully as I wiped the tears from his eyes, "I'm not going anywhere, My Beloved." Damien's eyes seemed to widen for a moment, but he relaxed and smiled again. He caressed my cheek as he slowly brought himself to my lips, connecting them in a blissful and sorrowful kiss.

"Don't leave me again."