Limerence

14

Cora Manning had always been cautious about therapists, or so she coined them, shrinks. She claimed that she could just rant to one of her best friends for free, instead of paying some know it all college graduate hundreds of dollars for the same thing.
She instilled this belief in her daughter as well. What a shame that Kiera's mother wasn't around to hassle her anymore. Well, more of a blessing in the eyes of Kiera and Margo. They hadn't killed her for nothing, after all.
Kiera fiddled with her shirt sleeves as she waited in anxious anticipation for the therapist to come in and begin the session. Margo seemed content about this decision, claiming that this was the first step to healing the trauma that Kiera felt.
There was a ball on the table built with coils of wire, and mugs lining shelves against the walls that said "I heart dogs." Kiera snorted. She hated dogs. They barked and were noisy and obnoxious. Hopefully, this therapist wouldn't be the exact same.
Kiera looked up as the door opened, and a smiling woman came in. She held her hand out for Kiera to shake. She shook the woman's hand, before she introduced herself as Mindy.
"How are you doing today, Kiera?" Mindy asked as she sat her mug of fresh coffee down on the coffee table, next to a stack of magazines and the coil ball. "Terrible." Kiera said, pushing her fingers into her temples. "I have this raging headache."
"Do you know why you could possibly be having this headache?" Mindy asked. Kiera hadn't given it much thought, but as she stared at the mug of coffee, she realized she hadn't eaten in a few days. "I haven't eaten. Do you have any snacks?" Kiera asked. Mindy nodded and brought down a box from atop one of the shelves lined with dog mugs. She held the box out to Kiera, and she grabbed a pack of cookies.
"So where do you wanna start? Why are you seeing me today?" Mindy asked. Kiera sighed and began explaining everything.
As she spoke, Mindy nodded, showing that she was listening. Words flew off Kiera's tongue in rapid succession, and they became so fast that she had stopped realizing that she was indeed speaking. It was as if someone else was speaking through her.
It took about half an hour for Kiera to accurately particulate her feelings about everything. The infatuation with Dr. Hendrix, and the all encompassing effect it was having on her life. Mindy continued to listen attentively, and when Kiera settled down, having spoken her last word, Mindy began to speak.
"Have you heard of the term called 'limerence'?" Mindy asked. Kiera shook her head. Mindy cleared her throat, before speaking. "Essentially, Limerence is an involuntary infatuation with an individual, and this sense of infatuation is almost always unreciprocated." Mindy said.
"What causes this?" Kiera asked, feeling tears pricking at her eyes. It was nice to have a term to explain what she was feeling. Mindy thought for a moment before speaking. "Well, it varies from person to person, but it can be formed due to traumatic experiences, or obsessive compulsive disorder, and even low levels of serotonin in the brain."
The trauma could be one of two things that Kiera had endured throughout her life. The most likely one was the car accident a few weeks prior, with Dr. Hendrix saving her life, or it could go back even further, to her mother.
Her mother had been abusive and an absolute monster, which was why she had to be taken out of this world. The abuse, sexual, physical and mental, was all too much, and was a part of the reason that Kiera had so much emotional and mental baggage. It was the reason she still had nightmares of her mother, demanding that Kiera get her the new bottle of vodka she had bought while she sat in front of the TV.
Kiera didn't even realize she had been talking, but she was spilling her guts out to Mindy, explaining the abuse she endured, while of course leaving out the fact that her & Margo had killed her mother.
"That could very possibly be the reason you are experiencing limerence. Did you ever find yourself becoming obsessively attached to previous lovers throughout your life?" Mindy asked. Kiera thought back to middle school, when she had crushed on Bobby Miller. She had left notes in his locker, and had watched him from afar in the cafeteria. Sure, this obsession was very tame compared to her current one with Dr. Hendrix, but it could explain her attachment style.
"I think this not only ties into the car accident, but also ties into your attachment style as a child." Mindy said. "When you're a toddler, or even a baby, your attachment to your caregivers are very crucial to future development, as well as the various experiences you deal with throughout life. The car accident only intensified something that was already present in your mind." Mindy continued.
"Is there any way to fix it?" Kiera asked. "This is taking over my entire life. I'm slowly losing my relationship with my best friend Margo, and I'm becoming an absolute recluse." Kiera said. Mindy thought for a moment. "We can try medication, which will have to be approved through a psychiatrist, and we can try EMDR, which can be used to effectively rewire your brain." Mindy said.
Kiera couldn't help but smile. She didn't have to be obsessed with Dr. Hendrix for the rest of her life. She could fix the gnarled ruins of her mind, and recover from the car accident. She could free herself from the gnashing, gnawing teeth of Limerence. Maybe she could be okay, once and for all.