your blueberry boy ・❥・ hyunlix

une

[felix pov]

the date was the 5th of december.

the sun, which had sunk halfway between the horizon, had shot it's orange rays into the plain, white hospital room, causing the space to look a lot more golden than it actually was. the light reflected off the small tv, which was so high up the wall that you'd have to tilt your head upwards to watch it properly. the angle that the light hit the screen at caused a bright shine to burn my eyes, making me squint. around me were multiple different hospital apparatus, i wasn't even sure what half of their uses were.

4 years ago, i was diagnosed with heart disease after years of being on the streets. usually people get the disease due to obesity or diabetes, but i got it because i was a smoker. i had a rough childhood, i was on the streets at only 6 years old after my parents got rid of me, and that's also when i started smoking (it sucks, but it happens). i did it all the time, i couldn't go an hour without a cigarette, i'd have to wake up during the night because the temptation was so bad. all of that tobacco build up is how i got to this point.

do i regret it? yes. of course i do. who wants to be living in a hospital at 22 years old?

this disease took everything from me, i never got to experience the things that other people got to. i've never romantically held hands with anyone, kissed anyone, fallen in love, gone to a party or had a prom. as well as that, as much as i try to tell myself that there's a chance it can still happen, it won't change the fact that i will never get to experience those things because i'm stuck here.

my doctor, han, has been trying to get me a heart donor for years now, and only recently have i moved up the list for actually getting a surgery. however, there's not many people who have signed up to be a donor, died, and have also been in my age/weight range. it's almost impossible for me to get a heart transplant in time, as it feels like my health is getting worse and worse.

it's gotten to the point where i've just accepted that if i don't get a donor within this year, i'm going to die.

the thought of it haunts me, because i don't know what i've done to deserve a life so short and miserable. however, i'm glad that this hospital had helped me, because before i came here i was an unhygienic, addicted rat who looked like he had just crawled out of the sewers.

as well as that, the people here are amazing, dr. han is my best friend, but he hasn't been able to take care of me properly as he has other patients to look after. usually, i'll just have a temporary nurse who'll leave in a week.

suddenly, there was a knock on the door.

speak of the devil.

"come in." i spoke.

a small man with short, light brown hair and rounded glasses, that sat neatly on his nose bridge, waddled into the room.

"good evening felix, how are you feeling today?"

he explored the cupboard which was next to the tv, pulling out some equipment and placing them on the blanket (right next to my feet). he grabbed a chair and dragged it to the side of my bed - which i was now sitting up in.

"i'm feeling alright thanks, but where were you this morning?" i asked.

"yeah, sorry about that. i had to deal with my other patients so i wasn't able to do your daily check up in the morning. that's why i'm doing it now." he replied, giving me a comforting smile.

he conducted the check up as usual.

"well, nothing's gotten worse." dr. han ruffled my hair, slowly standing up.

"but that also means nothing's gotten better." i frowned, staring at the ground.

there was an awkward silence for a moment.