your blueberry boy ・❥・ hyunlix

vingt-six

[hyunjin pov]

the short australian just stared at me in disbelief.

and, i stared at him back. desperately trying to come up with a reason for these marks on my neck.

"...my girlfriend's crazy... heh." i muttered.

chris's eyebrow raised, "girlfriend?"

i gulped, "...yeah! her name is... felicia...?"

"but felix told me you were gay?" he responded.

i froze.

that's the first time someone's ever referred to me as gay. my whole life i've been saying i was straight - until i met felix of course.

but in reality, i have always been questioning myself. it's just felix who made me realise the truth, he basically confirmed who i was.

"hyunjin... you don't have to pretend anymore, i already know who gave you them..." chris smiled softly.

i felt relief hit me, "you do...?"

"yeah, i know you well man." he replied, walking over to me and patting my bat.

"you and dr. han are so cute together!-" "DR. HAN??" i spat, choking on air in shock of what the elder had just said.

"what?" chris looked concerned.

"NO- DUDE! IT WAS YOUR COUSIN THAT GAVE ME THESE HICKEYS, NOT DR. HAN!-" "W-WHAT- FELIX?!?! HYUNJIN WHAT THE FVK!-" i slapped my hand onto chris's mouth to get him to stop talking.

"is it not obvious?!?! i'm kept me with an attractive man all day everyday for that long and you expect me not to end up kissing him?!?!"

"w-well yeah! but not because you should fight your temptations, but because he's your patient not your fvk buddy!" the wolf-like male exclaimed.

i gasped, "fvk buddy? is that all you think felix is to me? why should my job have to get in the way of who i'm attracted to?!?!"

chris frowned, his head fell low.

"because... you'll get fired if they find out."

"you don't think i already know that!"

"but it matters more than you think it does hyunjin! please just hear me out!"

i looked at the elder, frowning.

"if you get fired felix will have no one! you guys won't be allowed to see each other again because of hospital policy!" chris explained.

"of course we'll see each other again... when he... when he gets out of hospital!-" "hyunjin." he interrupted.

chris took a deep breath, and looked up to me, making eye contact.

"you don't have to keep pretending anymore. i know felix isn't okay."

"wha-" "i tried to convince myself that he'd be able to live a healthy life but when i came here today and saw how pale and weak he looked i felt my heart shatter a bit, and when you told me that he couldn't even piss by himself anymore, that's when i knew." he paused, catching his breath, "and i just want him to enjoy these next few weeks, i need him to! but he can only do that when you're there!" his voice started to break.

"chris, i-" "if you get fired for having a romantic relationship with your patient then felix will die alone."

i froze.

and like that, a piece of my heart, and maybe a bit of my soul, disintegrated into specs of dust, gone in an instant.

"felix will die alone"

"felix will die"

something that's been haunting me for a while now, but i've kept it to myself.

and here felix's cousin is, exposing my thoughts, relating to the pain.

"...i understand." i muttered, still processing the situation. "...but, i won't let felix die."

chris smiled, " hyunjin... you don't have to do this... you know that?" he stated.

"i'm going to be totally honest with you, chris. prepare yourself for the worst, but i know felix will keep fighting, he won't back down easily."

"oh, trust me, i know. he's never been the type to just give up..." the dimpled australian responded, "we're in this together, yeah?"

"yeah." i responded.

chris then pulled me into a deep, comforting hug. patting my back as i let out a groan.

the room was silent, most likely because both of us were lost in our thoughts.

thoughts about felix.