your blueberry boy ・❥・ hyunlix

trente-neuf

[hyunjin pov]

as me, chris, and yeji began running up the stairs of the hospital, we attempted to call for felix.

"WHERE'S FELIX?!?! LEE FELIX!!!" chris shouted, doctors and nurses shook their hands as they didn't recognise the name.

"he's probably upstairs, this way maybe?!" yeji exclaimed as she lead chris one way.

"i'll go find dr. han!" i stated as i ran off towards a different corridor.

after running for a few minutes, i was able to find dr. han's office. and without knocking, i just entered.

he was sat on the floor of his office, his heads in his arms.

"jisung!-" "oh hyunjin... i'm so sorry..." he interrupted.

"we don't have time for this! where's felix?!?!" i asked.

out of nowhere, the doctor broke out into tears, "HYUNJIN- I SHOULDN'T HAVE FIRED YOU! IT'S MY FAULT THAT ALL THIS HAS HAPPENED, I FEEL SO GUILTY!"

i frowned, as he continued to ramble on.

"IF ONLY I WAS JUST MORE ACCEPTING, FELIX COULD'VE BEEN SAVED! HE WOULDN'T BE AT DEATH'S DOOR!" he cried.

i crouched onto one knee and made direct contact with dr. han, "...tell me jisung, where. is. felix?" i repeated.

he began to snuffle and wipe away his tears, "i told you... h-he's in the ICU..."

"we know, but where is the ICU?" i asked.

"...5th floor... on the left..." he replied.

i nodded, "as pissed off as i at you jisung... i can't stay mad at you forever."

i whipped him a smile and he whipped one back. i then left the office and started running upstairs and towards the intensive care unit.

as i reached the door, i stopped. and i thought for a moment.

did i really want to see felix in this condition?

i didn't have a choice, he was my boyfriends after all.

i peaked my head in to see the blonde, freckled boy in his bed, lying lifelessly.

in all honesty, it didn't look like felix - because felix wasn't this pale, this skinny, this sick, this weak, this pathetic. it made my heart shatter when i saw him.

my beautiful boy, why is this happening to you?

you don't deserve this.

at the back of the room was yeji, so, the pair managed to find their way to the ICU eventually.

what made me feel even worse was how chris sat next to the lifeless boy, with his head in his hands.

"yeji, is it alright if i have a private chat with chris?" i asked.

"yeah, of course." she replied as she left the room.

i slowly walked over towards chris, taking a chair and placing it next to him, sitting down on it. i moved my hands to rub chris's back in order to comfort him.

"you alright...?" i asked soothingly.

"yeah... it just hurts to see him like this..." he replied.

the room was silent for a moment.

"i get it, just looking at him makes me feel like i'm falling apart." i paused, "i'm surprised you haven't gotten all emotional about it yet."

"i don't cry much, that's all..." he remarked.

"...it's okay to cry you know." i put my arm round his shoulder.

he gulped, "i know i know, i just feel too numb to cry."

"too numb? or are you just scared to let it all out?" i asked.

"i... i don't know anymore..." he responded, fiddling with his fingers.

"chris."

"y-yes?"

"if felix doesn't make it, what will you do?"

he froze, hesitant to answer.

"do you think you'll get over it?" i added.

"of course i won't get over it, h-he's my brother!" his voice started to crack.

i frowned as i looked at felix, but then i turned to chris.

"chris, let it out."

"huh?"

"let it out."

"stop it..." he began to become teary.

"stop trying to bottle up your emotions, it's not good for you. free yourself up."

suddenly, chris began to cry, but silently. there were tears rolling down his cheeks but no noise coming from out of his mouth. just small squeaks.

i slid my arms round the man as he tucked his neck into my shoulder, weeping into my neck.

"i-i don't know w-what i'd d-do without him..." he sniffled.

i stroked the wolf-like man's hair as he held on to me tightly.

"...we'll get through this together i promise you." i reassured him.

chris wouldn't be able to live without felix, and neither would i.

how do you solve an issue like this?