your blueberry boy ・❥・ hyunlix

treize

[hyunjin pov]

it was now the 28th of december, and the end of the year was slowly creeping upon us.

this morning wasn't going well so far.

dr. han did his usual check up on felix, and his results showed that his health was indeed getting worse.

even though the freckled blonde's sickness was nothing new to me, it hurt seeing it written down on paper. it was almost like his deterioration was confirmed.

me and the doctor stood outside of the duck's room, not knowing what to say to each other.

"...just..." dr. han started, "keep doing what you're doing, the way you care for him is impeccable. i don't think you realise it, but, you've helped him so much." he smiled at me.

but i didn't exactly believe it, "i don't think i'm that different to his other nurses, i mean-" "nurse hwang." the squirrel cut me off, "you have no idea how happy you make the boy. that's just how he is, felix sucks at being affectionate and showing his gratitude, you should know that more than anyone." he finished.

my eyes widened, "wait- i make him happy?" a smile filled up my face.

"of course you do..." dr. han rolled his eyes, chuckling lightly.

i felt my cheeks start to heat up, but dr. han noticed.

"wait- are you blushing?..." the quokka teased, placing a hand on my shoulder.

"n-no, it's just- i'm not used to people saying they appreciate what i do for them..." i replied, that was a lie, kinda.

people have said they're grateful for my caring nature, but it never really meant that much to me.

although, it was different when it came to the freckled australian. i had no idea i made felix feel better, and that was all i needed to hear in order to feel warm.

dr. han took his hand off my shoulder, "...well, i hope you get it now. anyways, i've got to go, see you around!" he grinned at me before running off to another room.

i stood still in front of felix's room for a bit longer, trying to sort out my feelings.

all of a sudden, an aussie voice called, "hey! hyunjin!"

i turned to where the voice was coming from as chris walked up to me, a toothy smile on his face.

"oh, hey chris." i responded.

"why are you out here, is felix doing okay?" he asked, walking past me, about to open the door to felix's room when i suddenly pulled him back.

"wait-" i paused, "i need to talk to you real quick."

chris looked at me confused, but was willing to hear me out. we moved a bit further away from the door so that felix wouldn't be able to hear us from his bed.

"what's up..?" he asked, concerned.

"...listen... felix is getting worse..." i spoke with sympathy, making eye contact with the elder as i did so.

at first, chris sighed, but then he just smiled, "oh hyunjin... i already know that..." he pat my back lightly.

"felix messaged me about it earlier, at first i was worried for him," he started, "but then, i remembered he had such an amazing nurse to take care of him... so i know felix is going to be okay in the end." he smiled at me like a proud older brother, which made me feel even worse.

the guilt started to hit me. the truth is, no matter how well i treated him, it would not improve his physical health because the only thing that could is receiving a new heart.

as much as i didn't want to tell that to chris, i couldn't just hide it from him.

i though it was an obvious fact, but i guess not. chris had a lot of hope for his younger cousin.

"i'm sorry, chris, but i don't think you understand-" "shh, it's okay hyunjin. stop doubting yourself!" the wolf look-a-like cut me off so that i couldn't finish my sentence. i wasn't sure if he had done it on purpose or not.

chris just glared at me for a moment. communicating with his eyes, but i felt like i could understand it so clearly.

you could tell that he was basically begging for me to save his cousin's life somehow.

there was an awkward tension in the air, when chris finally decided to speak up.

"...let's just.. go see felix, yeah?" he spoke quietly.

i nodded in agreement as chris opened the door to felix's room, letting me inside as well.

"heyyy felix!" the wolf grinned brightly, giving his younger cousin a hug.

"hey chris..." felix muttered, a small smile on his face.

i watched the two bond from the other side of the room.

"so.. how long have you been staring at the wall for...?" chris asked felix.

the blonde just shrugged as a response.

"...look, you gotta keep yourself occupied, or you'll just end up lost in your thoughts." chris said to his freckled relative, "surely this is not good for your mental health." he added.

"i'm fine though, seriously. i've been spending all my time with hyunjin, so i've been doing well..." felix commented, which caused the pair to both look at me.

as much as i liked felix's appreciation, it didn't exactly help my case. chris still had that expectation of me miraculously saving felix by somehow getting him a donor, which made me feel stressed.

i just laughed awkwardly at felix's comment, trying to ignore it.

chris had promised himself that felix was going to be fine, but i' not even 100% sure myself.

i didn't want to beat myself up due to the immense pressure, so i just decided not to think about it for any longer.

the three of us talked for a few hours as the sun started to go down.

"listen, felix. i forgot to tell you earlier, and i'm sorry this is such short notice, but i'm going to france in a couple of days, and i won't be able to see you again until i'm back." chris spoke, with a hint of sadness in his voice.

the duck frowned, "but why?" he glared at chris while pouting.

"it's for my work, i begged my boss but he refused, i'm sorry..." chris sounded upset.

"don't worry about it, i'll be fine-" felix suddenly groaned, holding his stomach.

my eyes widened, "felix- are you okay?" i quickly stood up from my chair.

"yeah, i'm good... it just hurts..." he sighed and lied back in his bed.

chris looked at felix, but then at me. there was even more tension in the air, it was so prominent i felt as if i could reach out and grab it if i wanted to, and he was the one who had caused it.

it was like he was making me feel guilty for something even though i had done absolutely nothing wrong.