right where you left me

Chapter 34 - Naivity

The next few weeks flew by, and although I tried to stop, it didn't happen. I would go two days, and start to shake; I would find a drink again. I would go to another two, and then feel jittery; drinks then just found me.

We then had international break, and the Aussie girls headed to Australia to play Sweden and then Thailand. We won against Sweden (which, in my belief, at least, was surprising) and then found a win against Thailand. We played in the Central Coast for the Thailand game, so I was able to see Finn and Jemma when I flew out of Sydney, with the rest of the girls. I avoided Mum and Bindi. Darcy can stay in Canberra for all I care.

Flying back to London, I knew there was an important league match coming up. United against Arsenal, at the Emirates. We wanted to win; we needed to win for the title race, which we were currently leading.

When I arrived back at the apartment, Leah was sitting there on her phone waiting for me to walk through.

"Hey," she said, standing up and walking over to me. I made sure to grab a piece of gum, wanting to diffuse the taste of alcohol that was lingering in my mouth.

"I'm tired," I replied, putting my bag on the ground, and burrowing my head into her.

"You okay?" she asked.

"Tired," I repeated.

"Want some food?" she asked.

"No, I ate on the plane. I just need to sleep." I went straight to the bathroom, took the clothes that hugged my body, and threw them on the floor. I hopped straight into the shower, letting the water run over my head. My brain was foggy; I couldn't remember much. I drank too much before the flight; slept throughout but now need to sleep even more. I need my bed. Our bed.

I nearly fell asleep standing up. I did stumble, but thankfully she was there. She came. She was there. She always was.

"Oh my god, Tipp," Leah said, holding me up. My eyes opened, but I felt blurry.

"Sorry," I replied. She grabbed my towel, putting it around me. "Sorry." She took me to the bed, letting me sit down as my head rested on her shoulder.

"What's up?" she asked. "Have you eaten?"

"I'm okay," I answered. "I just- I just feel faint." She grabbed me a T-shirt and I popped it on before getting into bed and turning off the light.

It was time to change. Tomorrow I would start. Tomorrow would be different.

The next day wasn't different. I grabbed a drink before Leah work up, brushed my teeth, and then got back into bed.

The next day, that was repeated.

And the next.

And the next.

Soon, it was the United game.

We arrived at the Emirates and I was excited to have thousands of people watch but I was also nervous. Nervous that I would ruin the game. I would hurt our chances. I would do something wrong.

United were going to be tough. They had been growing. Their team was stronger; it was going to be hard and we knew it.

I was starting, with Jordan and Wally in the midfield. Beth, Stina, and Caitlin were up top, with Laura, Lotte, Steph, and Katie in the back, with Manu in goals. Rafa and Leah were both still injured, and I missed having them both on the pitch.

"You'll do great," Leah said to me, as she sat plating my ponytail for me. She had no idea how to braid, but I wasn't bothered to do my normal style, so I just got her to do a small plait, pushing my strawberry hair through each other.

"I don't know," I replied, pulling my legs to my stomach.

"Don't stress, it'll be fine." She kissed the top of my head and stood up, going over to the other girls as I grabbed my bottle, trying to diffuse the tension. My bottle was not water.

"Hey," Steph said, sitting beside me.

"Hi," I replied, pushing my bottle away, not wanting her to ask for any.

"I'm not going to ask," Steph then said, alluding to the bottle. "You going to be okay?"

"Yes!" I replied, getting annoyed with all the questions.

"Okay..." she answered, not feeling confident in my answer (I could tell).

We soon walked out. I almost left my shin pads in my locker, and besides my quick absence on the field as I riffled through my bag, we stood, arms linked ready to play.

The game started chaotically. We knew United were going to be good, but I feared we underestimated them.

They scored first. Ella Toone slotted it in the back of the net, and our hearts all melted, and so too did the hearts of the thousands in the stand. But we had to push through. We had to digress.

In the second half, I had the ball at my feet. We were pushing forward, knowing an early goal would help more than anything. As I dribbled around the defenders, I passed the ball out wide to Beth. She cut it back as I made a run, and the ball slotted behind Mary Earps in the goal. We had equalized.

In the 78th minute, Laura scored, to get us in the lead, and as soon as it happened, my heart could finally settle. We could win this. We could do it. We could get the three points.

Manu soon went down, to give us time to regroup with Jonas. I grabbed my bottle, that I had brought to my seat, and felt the burn in my throat. I needed it. I knew I shouldn't, but I did.

My head was dizzy. I tried running. I lasted five minutes before I needed to sit down.

"I'm alright," I said, as Lia sat beside me.

"Are you okay?" she asked, as Caitlin and Steph soon came next to me too.

"Just lightheaded." I soon stood up, before needing to fall down again. I had had too much.

"Do you need to go off?" Steph asked, and as I looked at her, our eyes caught. She knew. I knew. We both did. She called subs over and walked me to the sideline. Frida subbed in for me, and I went underground straight away.

The medics were asking me what was wrong, but I just told them headache. I had to go try to get this out of me. I felt my throat need to gauge this up.

I made it just in time to the bathroom, vomiting the food I had only just recently eaten. I heard someone come in, and the soft hands held my ponytail back.

"It's okay," the soothing voice said. "It's okay." It was Leah, and once I had got everything I could out of my system, I fell back, into her arms. I fucked up. I knew I had.

"I'm an idiot," I said to her.

"You're not an idiot. You probably just ate a bad piece of chicken." Sometimes I admired her naivety. Sometimes I wish I had it myself.

We heard the crowd a few times, and I feared what had happened. I feared what the result would be once I went back out. But she held my hand as I did. She was there. But, if I told her, I feared she wouldn't be.

We had lost. 3-2.

2 late goals for United.

And it was all my fault. 

note:

- live laugh love slay stupidity by tippah ;) 

- anywaysssss, what do we think about england squad? thoughts n opinions?