right where you left me

Chapter 35 - Villain

I was the villain. Not the hero. Not the victim. At least, I thought that. I wasn't sure. But when we lost that game, I knew I had set my team up for failure. My past was getting in the way of my future, and my present.

"Jesus Christ, what happened?" I said, as Leah and I walked back into the locker room after the United game. They were all looking down; not wanting to speak. Not to each other, not to us.

"Tipp... it's Beth." I looked around to see that Beth wasn't sitting at her locker.

"What happened?" I asked, going towards Caitlin who was the one who spoke.

"Knee."

"Jeez," I said. "Fuck!"

I went over to the treatment room to see Beth laying on the benchtop. Her head was laid back as the physio was looking at her knee.

"Can I come in?" I asked, stepping inside before she could even say yes.

"Yeah, yeah," she said. I walked over, grabbing her hand. I knew what this could mean. The knees are our worst enemy. Always have been, but especially now.

The next few days felt like a blur. It was announced an ACL; we were all devastated. She had been playing so well, as if the ball was glued to her feet. But now, we all had to come to realise, that it could come crashing down at any moment. At any second. Our worlds could fall apart.

Maybe mine already had? And Beth too.

We had to keep training and stay together, like the team we are and the team we will have to be. Viv came back from her break too, so it was nice to have her back in our starting lineup. We needed her, especially now Beth was out.

My new thought process was a strange one. If I stayed with Leah, most of my time, hopefully, I could whip myself back into shape. Hopefully, I would have to stop drinking, as she was with me. Hopefully, I would have no choice but to stop. It was delusional. I knew that if there was a will, there would be a way. But I needed it. I had to stop.

"What's up?" Leah asked as we sat beside each other before I was about to go out for training. She placed her hand on my leg as it started to shake uncontrollably. It was 3 days since my last sip. Since my last taste. Since the last time, I felt the burn in my throat.

"Nothing," I replied, having to purposefully think about my leg and its movements. She smiled at me, kissing my head before walking off to the gym to continue her rehab. I looked around; my eyes locked with Steph's. She knew, and I was just hoping more than anything that she would just let me sort this out myself. Let me sort my brain out. I didn't need help. I couldn't need help.

The next day we flew to Turin, to play against Juventus. We drew, 1-1, and the Viv goal was our savior. Now that Viv was back, I remembered just how crucial she was to our team. How much we needed her, more than we thought possible.

"What's your Christmas plan?" Leah asked as we flew over the Channel.

"No clue," I replied, looking out the window.

"You going home?"

"God no," I said. I then look at her, to see her weirded out expression. "Well, I wasn't planning on it."

"Okay, well, you'll come with me then?" Her eyes widened with hope but there was no reason for that, as I always knew I was going to stay with her, wherever she went.

"Now that was what I was planning on." She smiled at me, and I leaned into her shoulder. If there was one thing I was sure about, it was her. I just hoped she was sure about me.

December rolled by, and we played more games against Juventus, Zurich, and Lyon, as well as some matches for the WSL against Everton and Aston Villa. We won them all, besides the match against Lyon, which once again, hurt our hearts more than we thought possible.