right where you left me

Chapter 56 - A Limited Vocabulary

There's an element to truth that is hard to capture. An elusive essence that is on the edges of our perceptions, just out of reach yet ever-present. I often found myself grappling with the intangibility of truth, struggling to articulate its complexities with the limited vocabulary of the language that I held. I would never hold the words that I would need to express the truths that ineptly lived within myself.

I had so many thoughts but not enough understanding to speak it.

So many theories, elaborate explanations, futures that I could never persuade; could never say.

But the truth was what was needed, and I would have to fight my own head to find them.

A few months earlier

"Okay, but when I tell you, you go to the police. You don't go to anyone in your family. You don't tell anyone. You need to do what I should've done and regret not doing. Do you promise?" Ellie said to me.

"I promise."

"Okay. I am not sure. I don't think I could ever be sure. But you told me- you told me when you were drunk that Finn was going to be working that Christmas Eve, and that you weren't going to see him. He was going to go home for Christmas, as a surprise. He didn't tell anyone that he was going to do that: except you. But you were too drunk to remember and I think he was glad about that because you never asked where he was that Christmas."

"Yeah... I think I tried to block that out but- but he did go home. He saw him, that Christmas."

"Yeah and your mum stayed in Sydney. No one knew Finn was out there, except your mum and you, but you didn't remember."

"So, are we thinking the same thing?"

"I think she's covering for him. I think they may have- may have-"

"Don't say it," I begged of Ellie.

"I don't think it was an accident," Ellie finished.

"Neither."

"And you have to go to the police."

"I will. Thank you, Ells."

I had to go into court. It was two days before our round of 16 match against Denmark and I was in fucking court. I was angry that this was happening; it was as if I had worked my entire life to get to this place and he had to ruin it again. My father had to ruin it again.

"You're going to be okay," Leah said to me, over the phone. She was currently in Brisbane, with the Lionesses. I wanted her with me but I knew that she had responsibilities. They were her team.

"I wish you were here," I sighed.

"I know, I'm sorry. I didn't realize it was-"

"It's not your fault."

"Is someone coming with you today?" Leah asked.

"Hayley said she would come with me, and Ellie too." I brought up Ellie's name very nonchalantly, not wanting to make it overly a big deal. Ellie knew that she may be dragged into this and I wanted her to be there. I needed her to know what she was possibly getting herself into.

"I'm glad you have your people," Leah said, smiling through the phone.

"I'm glad I have you more."

We soon hung up, and I continued to get ready. We had the morning off and would do a short training session in the afternoon. Normally it would be the other way round but because of where I had to be today, Tony said we could switch it up.

"Are you alright?" Hayley asked, walking in to brush my suit. I grabbed the nicest thing I could find from the local shopping center, trying to avoid people and spending an unnecessary amount of time buying clothes. In situations like those, I needed Leah more than ever.