right where you left me

Chapter 36 - End of a Decade

It was now December. December meant Christmas. It meant celebrations. It meant people were happy, and moods for lively. Christmas meant break (which everyone was looking forward to) and also meant presents, and parties (which, once again, everyone was looking forward to.)

The girls were organizing a Christmas celebration, and we would each be given a name for Secret Santa or as we called it at home, Kris Kringle.

"What the heck?" Leah said when I told her about our alternative name.

"I'm pretty sure it originated in the UK," I laughed, "so you can blame your ancestors."

"I hate to break it to you, but your ancestors are mine too." I chuckled softly, before nudging her about her lack of political correctness.

Beth was organizing the whole gift-giving experience. She wanted to keep entertained, not wanting to focus on the horror she was enduring. The injury had come at the worst time for her, and we were all doing as much as we could to keep her positive. If she wanted to organize a Secret Santa, we would by no means stop her.

"Alright, I need everyone to pick up a name out of the hat," Beth said, after our team meeting with Jonas. It was only a few days before the Zurich game, and we planned to give our gifts before we flew over to Switzerland. We had only a few days to prepare.

"What if I don't like who I get?" I joked as I picked up a name.

"Suck it up," Beth replied, smiling. She was limping around, only just having done her surgery a few weeks earlier. We tried to ignore the obvious pain she was in, but something churned in my heart each time I saw her. Saw her pain. Saw her heartache.

Leah also picked up a name, and soon the hat was empty and each person was assigned their teammate. I looked down at my paper.

Wally

I was happy with my person. I could think of something for her. I had never been too good at giving gifts; I would often avoid it at all costs. Invited me to a party? Sorry, I had football. Want to go out for a birthday dinner? I'll shout, and that's your gift. I could never work out how to actually give a gift without it being awkward, so I tried not to. Does that make me a bad person? Probably, but we digressed.

"Who'd you get?" I asked Leah, knowing I was breaking the rules but being too nosy not to ask. We were walking to the car, excited for the following day as we had an off day.

"It's meant to be a secret!" she exclaimed.

"Ugh, I don't like this!" I joked, pretending to sulk.

"It makes it more fun!"

"You're boring!" I said, sarcastically.

"Hardly," she replied. We got in her car and headed home. Leah liked driving, and I liked being the passenger, who stared out the window as she chatted to me. She held my hand when she wasn't changing gear. She wouldn't buy an automatic, even though I begged her to. I explained that I wouldn't be able to ever drive the car, and she shrugged, telling me that she liked to drive me anyways so that wouldn't be a problem. I looked away to smile, agreeing with her, but not wanting her to see, as I was too stubborn to admit that I liked having her drive me around.

Since my conversation with Ellie, in which I only realized afterward that she once again said that she loved me, I hadn't drunk again. It was a struggle at first. Not only was not drinking hard but keeping the whole experience away from Leah made it even more difficult. If I had learned one thing from Ellie, it was I did not want to place my hurt on Leah. I couldn't do that to her; I didn't want to do that to you.

Leah and I both decided that a day in London would do us both good; we could buy the secret santa gifts, and get organized for Christmas too. When I told Finn I wasn't going home for Christmas, I could sense he felt deflated (or maybe even betrayed.) He understood that I wanted to stay with Leah (or in his words 'my partner') but would miss me. I told him I would miss him too, but that didn't convince him much. Since being at Arsenal, or maybe since my break up with Ellie, or maybe since Michael died, I hadn't talked to Finn as much. We had always been as close as siblings could be, but something did change. I changed? He changed? I wasn't too sure. We were still close; that would never change, but it was different.