right where you left me

Chapter 51 - Matilda(s)

I would often feel like there was a piece that was dead, inside of me. Through all the pain, and hurt, there were growing cavities that left gaping holes.

I always presumed that once I left Forbes behind me, I would be free from the hurt, but trauma is ongoing. It never ends. It's a vicious cycle that circles around you for the rest of your life.

There is no escape.

There is only management, and love.

Through affection and through love, I knew I could heal, somewhat. I could find that place of contentment.

If only that would be the case.

Instead, I had a family that never truly showed me love, and teammates who could never understand what I was going through. Instead, management wouldn't work. Instead, love would be the only solution.

Bindi: darling, i'm in melbourne for ur game. R u free for a coffee? If not, no stress at all. Love u!

Maybe I did have a family that showed me love. Well, two sisters at least.

Tippah: yes, we have a free morning! Collins st?

Bindi: sounds good! Gigi wants a babychino so she'll be here too. Ro and frankie are with Davey.

Tippah: perf! Gigi loves me the most anyways hehe

Bindi: that she does! She's so excited to watch aunty tipp win the wc

Tippah: oh god... there is pressure now.

Bindi: no pressure, only love!

I went out to meet Bindi in Melbourne's CBD, finding a quant little coffee spot. I saw her walk by, Gia held in her arms. Sometimes when I saw the little children both Darcy and Bindi had, I wondered what Jemma and Finn's life could've looked like.

I hadn't heard from Jemma in months. Since Finn was arrested, she had gone completely MIA. I could understand why; not normally does one's husband get arrested for murder, even if it is only in the second degree.

"Hi darling," Bindi said, sitting down across from me.

"Aunty Tippy!" Gia exclaimed, coming over to me and sitting on my lap. I held her in my arms, feeling the warmth of her tiny body. She was small for her age, reminding me of myself. At three, I was considered small, my torso especially short for my age.

I grew. She will grow.

I just love that a piece of me lives with her too.

"How are you?" Bindi asked me, as Gia sipped on her babychino. She hadn't left my lap since she plonked herself on it a few minutes earlier.

"I'm- did you hear I have to testify?" I said to her, drinking the coffee Bindi got for me.

"I did hear," she responded.

"Do you?"

"At this rate, no. It may change, not sure."

"Right."

"Does that make you nervous?" she asked.

"A little."

"All you have to do, Tipp, is tell the truth. Don't overcomplicate it." Throughout my childhood, I never saw Bindi or Darcy as my older sisters. They felt like foreigners who only came into my life when it worked for them. I relied on Eden for all those stereotypical older sister duties, and when she left, I was left by myself.

When I got my period, I didn't have any of them holding my hand.

When I had my first kiss, I couldn't go into their rooms and tell them all about it.

And when I got drunk for the first time, there was no sister there to hold my hair up.

But now, she was here. Better late than never.