not a big deal~carl grimes

<twenty-six>

for the first few days, i refused to leave the infirmary. when i did i had to be dragged out. i fell asleep by carls side every night. eventually, i woke up in my own bed in the middle of the night.

after that, i started sneaking out every night. it wasn't smart considering what happened but it was stress relieving, walking through the woods. i came across gas stations in the middle of nowhere sometimes. every night i'd go a few miles further out until it got to the point where i couldn't go any further if i wanted to get back before anyone realised.

we fixed alexandria back up over the next few weeks. after we did, i slept in carls room every night. one night, i had fallen asleep really early as i was exhausted. even after not leaving the room other than sneaking out at night, i was still always drained. worrying about carl took up a lot of energy from me.

i woke up that morning and carl was back. he was in the corner getting dressed. he put on blue jeans, then a grey, long sleeved shirt and a blue and white flannel shirt. he pulled on boots and shook his fingers through his long hair to mess it up a bit before turning around. he sadly smiled 'morning.'

i smiled, climbing out of bed, going over and hugging him 'good morning.'

i tried to kiss him but he moved away 'what's wrong?' he didn't answer 'carl, please tell me what's wrong. have i dine something?'

he shook his head 'i don't think it's working out with us.' he saw me trying not to cry 'i'm sorry, i just don't think we're good for each other. it's not you it's me.'

really? breakup clichés? come on carl. i looked and saw enid, stood by the house opposite, looking up at the window 'are you seeing enid today?'

'yeah.' he shrugged 'we were just going to walkaround, maybe go outside the wall or something.'

i nodded 'is she the reason? are you dating her instead?'

he shook his head 'no. it's got nothing to do with her, it's just about us.'

i stormed out of the house, going back over to mine where carol was in the kitchen 'hey, sweetie.' she smiled as i came in the house. i ran over to her, hugging her and crying. 'oh, Tylor. what's wrong.'

'carl broke up with me.' i cried. i pulled my ead away and saw my tears had made a part of her sweater turn from light grey to dark grey.'

'oh, sweetie. it's okay. you know he's been through a lot just now. maybe he just needs time to adjust back, and to how things are. i'm sure he'll come right back, because you're amazing.'

'i think it's enid. he said it's not but he would lie to me if it was.' i explained.

carol looked to the door 'well maybe you should see if you can find out from her.'

i looked and she was stood right there. she rushed over, pulling me into a hug 'i'm sorry.'

i pushed her away slightly 'is there anything going on between you? are you the reason he's done this, and please don't lie because it won't do me any good if you do.'

'no.' she looked hurt that i would even suggest that. 'nothing is happening with me and carl. i couldn't do that to you. ever.' she pulled me back into a hug. 'if you want, i can talk to him. maybe i can find out what it was.'

i chuckled 'you don't have to. i really don't think i should know. what if it's something i can't change? that'll just make me feel even worse.'

'well i want to know, so i'm finding out.' she said 'if you change your mind, just ask.' she left the house, leaving me alone for the day.

i went straight upstairs. carls room was empty. through the window i could see some of my stuff in there. my hairbrush was on the bedside cabinet from when i convinced him to let be do his hair a few weeks ago. i left it there because i was always there anyway, i didn't see much point in having stuff like that in my room. next to it was also my vaseline, i kept one there and one at mine. and on the end of his bed, i could see polaroids we had taken of each other. they were on his wall before but he must've taken them down when i left.

i watched him and enid go into his room. he didn't see me but she did, she smiled sympathetically as i watched him grab the lip balm and photos and put them in the drawer next to his bed. the hairbrush stayed there. he picked it up and just held it before he put it back down and sat on the bed, kicking his feet up.

i sat on my bed, reading for the rest of the day but every now and then, i would peek over the top of the book to see what was going on, hoping that i could figure out a reason. as much as i hated thinking enid was the reason, it was reassuring to think that, it made me feel less bad about myself. but nothing happened, they just sat there reading comics for most of the day.

daryl came in later on in the day. he sat on the end of my bed 'carol told me. i'm sorry.'

i shrugged 'it happens, life moves on.'

'you haven't moved on that quickly.' he saw through my façade. 'you were separated for a year and you never moved on from him. you're just trying to get yourself through it.'

i put the book down 'yeah. i guess you're right.' we sat there in silence 'do you think talking shit about him would make me feel better? pointing out his flaws?'

he laughed 'i think it would.'

i sat up, leaning forward, resting my elbows on my knees and my chin on my hand. 'did you ever notice how big his ego is?' i asked, making daryl laugh 'like who the hell does the think he is? the king of the world? i don't think so.'

it made me feel better, talking about the things that were annoying. but at the back of my mind, i realised that all the things that were annoying were the things i loved about him. it made him his own person, even if they were negative it was what i loved about him. both the good and bad. but regardless, it helped my act of being okay, so daryl didn't suspect a thing.