not a big deal~carl grimes

<twenty-two>

i listened to jessies advice. i avoided carl as much as possible, letting him come to me if he really wanted me. i knew she didn't say to avoid him but if i didn't it would be too easy for him, and if he really loved me, he would chase me.

it had been weeks and he hadn't actually spoken or seen each other for that matter. well when he saw me, i would just walk away and it would be the same if i saw him. but if i saw him and he didn't see me, i'd spend a few minutes looking at him. he looked so perfect all the time. i wondered how he did it. when i saw him but i wasn't noticed, he was usually staring at enid.

i lost hope after a few weeks, but that didn't mean i stopped avoiding him. i kept doing it, hoping at some point he would change his mind and start chasing me. but he still hadn't. what the hell was i doing?

at some point it became hard trying to avoid him. when most of the adults left for a few days, rick asked me to help carl babysit. as much as i didn't want to see him, no carl meant no judith who i missed so much over these past 6 weeks, so i agreed.

i went over in the morning, knocking on the door. carl opened it and he seemed shocked 'hey. what are you doing here? not that i din't want you here, i really do. i'm just confused cause i haven't seen you in ages.' he rambled.

i shrugged 'your dad asked if i can help you babysit while they're gone. it's judith so i couldn't say no.'

'well it's good to see you.' he smiled as i walked into the house.

i put my bag on the floor by the door as i went over to the couch where judith was playing with the small number of toys she had. 'do you want a drink?' carl asked.

'water maybe?' i requested. he put an ice cold bottle in front of me. i took a sip as he sat down beside me and i shuffled to the floor.

he looked hurt, he could tell i was trying to avoid him all this time and me not even sitting next to him made him frown as he watched me build a tower from blocks, letting judith knock it down. i giggled as they crashed onto my knee.

i watched judith for a while as carl had gone out the house. it was about an hour before he came back 'hey.' i greeted him 'where have you been?'

'just on a walk.' he shrugged coming over to the kitchen where i was feeding his baby sister. i spooned some apple sauce into her mouth, wiping her chin when she spat a bit back out. 'good girl. apple sauce is yucky isn't it.' i joked.

'you don't like apple sauce?' carl asked, looking shocked.

i shook my head looking disgusted 'ew no.'

'why?' he asked, coming over to see judith. he picked her up out of the high chair as i answered.

'because texture matters to taste. it tastes like apples but has the consistency of lumpy ketchup. ew.'

'it's nice.' he laughed.

i got a tiny bit onto a spoon. 'fine. you like it so much, eat it.' i held the spoon out.

he came forward, eating the apple sauce from the spoon. as i lowered the jar, he moved in towards me, pressing our lips together. our lips moved in sync for a few seconds before he pulled away and i realised i had gotten a bit of the apple sauce in my mouth so i kissed him again, so i could give it back to him.

'even when it's paired with a kiss it still is awful.' i joked.

'i'm sorry.' he apologised. 'i didn't try harder these past few weeks. i was going to try go after you but enid stopped me. she said that you were avoiding me because you were mad and that i should give you space.'

i giggled 'it's fine. she said she liked you but you said you didn't like her. i should have only been mad at her. you didn't deserve it. and for the record, she was wrong. i was avoiding you hoping you would chase after me to prove your love for me.'

he smiled 'i will remember that just in case there's a next time, but i hope there won't be. and i do love you. i have loved you since the prison and i spent every day on the road trying to survive in hopes that i could live long enough to find you again.'

i stared into his eyes for a second 'your eyes are beautiful.'

'thanks.' he smiled, a wide smile stretching from ear to ear. 'so are yours. they're so unique. i almost didn't recognise you you've changed a bit. but the eyes told me it was you. and your hair looks amazing. i love it short.'

i tilted my head 'i thought you liked it long?'

'it's your hair. i love anything as long as it's you.' he said. 'so now we've done the whole love confession thing, what does that mean we are?'

i thought for a second? 'i'll be honest, i don't know.'

'why not? i love you, you love me, i thought the answer would be clear.' he looked scared at to what i could be thinking.

i sighed 'yeah, i know. but enid is my best friend and she likes you. i can't start dating you and do that to her.'

'but you've liked me longer. and i felt the same longer. if anything she can't do that to you.' he explained.

i sighed 'i'll think about it.'

'don't think.' he said 'just say. please be my girlfriend.'

i shrugged 'i said i'd think about it.' he looked disappointed. i lifted his head slightly to look down into my eyes. 'how about, i stay over tonight. i don't want to go home if i'll be the only one there. and if i'm here i can tell you the second i make up my mind.'

he agreed to the deal.