not a big deal~carl grimes

<twenty-eight>

'taylor, come on.' daryl shook me awake early in the morning. he took me over to ricks where jesus was sat on the steps upstairs. carl had a gun to his head when me, daryl, glenn, and abraham saw them.

i stood in the corner downstairs while they sat around the table, interrogating him. i should have been focused on what was happening but all i could focus on was carl. he looked from jesus to me as i looked to jesus.

i watched as carl helped them get fuel to take on the road and him and rick talked. rick gestured for me to come over to them to take Judith as i was going to take care of her while they were gone. i heard carl say 'a kid with a messed up face probably wouldn't make the best first impression anyway.'

'oh don't say that.' i said 'you'd be fine. why don't you go?'

he shook his head 'i'm good.'

rick gave me a look telling me to say something. i shot back a face that said no.

as they drove off, carl and i awkwardly smiled at each other before he followed me back into the house. i put judith on the floor, sitting down with her. carl sat opposite me 'i'm sorry.'

i looked away from him, back to his sister playing on the floor 'no need.'

he sighed 'why won't you talk to me?'

'because i don't fee like it.' i shrugged.

i heard him huff and watched him run his fingers through his hair 'okay ,i know what i did was shitty. but i didn't mean it. i just wasn't in a great place. i'm sorry.'

i stayed silent. he got up and headed for the stairs. as he put his foot on the first step to go upstairs, i asked 'why?' he looked at me 'why did you if you didn't mean it?'

he shrugged, gong back upstairs.

enid came by later to hang out and help me babysit. we were sat in the kitchen, as i fed Judith. 'he seems different.' she said.

we were talking about carl. it was risky to talk about someone who was no more than 4 feet above us but she was telling me about how he seemed odd since he broke up with me.

'what o you mean different?' i asked as i picked up Judith now that she was done eating.

'i don't know.' she said, following me to the couch 'he just always seems to be in a bad mood. and he's just acting a bit strange i guess.'

'well,' i started but got cut off when i heard carl coming back downstairs.

he stopped 'oh, enid. i didn't know you were here.'

as he turned to go back upstairs, she got up 'no, i'm just going now anyway.' as she passed me, she whispered 'just talk to him.'

he came closer, sitting next to me. ' your hairs growing out.' he ran his fingers through the straight, coffee brown strands which now fell to the bottom of my shoulder blades. 'it looks nice, it suits you. you look nice.'

i stared down at my hands, not saying a word. how was i supposed to respond to that. 'are you hungry?' i asked as i got up, trying to brush him off 'if i'm here taking care of Judith might as well take care of you too.'

'no thanks, i'm good.' he awkwardly smiled as i disappeared out the house to go over to the pantry.

carol was there too. she smiled as i walked in 'hey taylor. how's babysitting?'

i threw my head in my hands 'awkward.'

'he misses you sweetie. i can tell.' she sighed.

i shrugged 'i've been told. he broke up with me. he can't miss me that much.'

'unfortunately people are complicated. i know you wish they weren't especially when you're bad with social ques. but they are and you can't do anything about it.' she sighed 'trust me. he wants you back.' she was about to leave before she turned around 'he stares at you when you're not looking. he looks sad when he's not stood right next to you.'

i collected some food and headed back. i had the small amount left in a bag on pasta, tomatoes, garlic, spring onions and salt. i mixed it in two pans, making pasta and sauce before combining the two and separating it into two bowls. one i left on the side, and the other i carried upstairs.

i heard Judith in carls room so i suspected he was in there too. i pushed the door open, peeking inside and seeing him sat on the bed with his sister, reading a comic book to her. i knocked on the already open door 'i know you said you're no hungry but i didn't know if you would eat or not.'

i set the plate on the bedside cabinet. 'thanks.' he leaned over, grabbing the brush 'here's your hair brush. you left it here. i was going to bring it back but i kept forgetting.'

i smiled. he returned the hair brush, but not my lip balm. was he keeping it? like a little souvenir of our relationship. and the photos along with my camera which he also had stashed away in the drawer.

i carried judith to her room for a nap. as i put her down in the crib, i softly sang sweet child o mine which was something my parents did with me. they sung me classic rock songs, making them sound softer instead of lullabies.

as i turned to leave, i saw carl stood in the doorway. i jumped 'oh my god, i didn't know you were there.'

he quietly laughed 'i could tell.' he pulled me out, shutting the door. 'look, i just want to say that i'm sorry.'

'you already did.' i shuffled my foot against the carpet.

he nodded 'i know. but this time, i'm saying that i miss you. i want you back. please.' he begged for me to get back together with him.'

'not until you tell me the reason.' i answered.

he opened his mouth to say but it quickly shut again as he went back to his room.