not a big deal~carl grimes

<twenty-nine>

time skip

it had been a few months since carl told me that he still loved me. i didn't know what to do so i just started avoiding him again.

a lot had happened in that time. we started helping the hill top, we had met the leader of the saviours, negan. he took everything, most of us didn't even have beds anymore. matthew, glenn and Abraham died. maggie moved to the hill top for the medical care because she was pregnant. daryl got kidnapped and had come back. eugene had joined the saviours. sasha died. enid moved to the hill top with maggie. carol ws now at the kingdom. it had been a long couple of months.

now that carol was at the kingdom and daryl was always busy, i practically lived on my own. after everything that happened, i rarely left my room. olivia started bringing food over to me but i would only eat a small bit of it before putting it back outside my door for her to get the next day when she came to drop off more food.

i was taking a nap when i got woken up by a knock on my bedroom door. carl came in 'can you help me with something?'

it was still kind of awkward between us so i didn't know why he was asking me, but regardless, i said 'sure. what is it.'

he explained. 'a few weeks ago i was out with my dad and i found this guy. my dad made me leave him but i need to go out and find him. will you come with me?'

i nodded. i changed my shorts for sweatpants and i threw on a grey t-shirt and put a dark grey hoodie over it.

i grabbed my gun and knife before we headed out.

i wasn't sure where we were going but carl seemed to, so i just followed. he sensed the uncomfortable tension between us, as we walked through the woods, he said 'look, i know what i said a few months ago may have made you really not like me, and i'm sorry for it. but if that means the answer was no, and still is, can we push past it and be friends. i can't stand having you avoid or ignore me all the time. it's torturing me.'

i sighed, staring down at the leaves that rustled beneath my feet. 'i'm sorry. i didn't mean to make you feel bad. i didn't want to avoid you, i just wanted to stay clear of an uncomfortable interaction, and i guess staying away from you was the only way i could think of.'

'its cool.' he laughed. 'i wasn't really that excited for the first conversation. i thought it would turn out kind of weird.'

'i pulled a pack of cigarettes out of my pocket and some matches. i struck one againt the box, letting it catch fire before holding it to the end. i inhaled the smoke before offering a cigarette to carl he refused it and asked 'since when do you smoke?' he looked disgusted.

i took another drag 'since i went on that run with daryl and your dad, when we met jesus.' i answered as i put the box back in my pocket.

'that was like 4 months ago.' he pointed out. 'why?'

i shrugged 'why not.' but he gave me a serious look, trying to get a real answer out of me. i sighed 'to be completely honest, you used to be my stress relief.' i took another drag 'but after you broke up with me and things were suddenly awkward, i couldn't exactly go to you when i was stressed o annoyed. so i had to find something else and these were the only things that worked.' i held up the cigarette between my fingers before taking another puff.

'it's disgusting.' he said 'you should stop.'

'well it's become a habit so it'll be hard. i already tried.' i defended my habit even though i knew he was right.

'i'll help.' he offered.

we found siddiq not long after. carl went over to help him as i looked around to make sure no walkers were coming. i noticed one behind carl at the last second. 'carl, look out.'

he began to fight off the walker, nearly loosing. it was only mere inches from biting him. i was going to shoot it but they were moving too much, i didn't want to hurt carl. eventually, i go a clean shot to the walkers head.

he ran over to me 'thank you so much.' he pulled me in for a hug. i stopped for a second before wrapping my arm back around him, pulling him in close.

we brought siddiq back to alexandria, keeping him in the sewer until rick came back and we could talk to him. carl and i went down to check on him, getting caught by michonne on the way out.

our conversation was cut off by negan at the gates. he threatened to start bombing the community. i looked over at carl and i could practically see the cogs turning in his head as he thought of a plan.

carl gathered us and told us his plan. he was going to the guard tower while the rest of us got people somewhere safe. 'i'm coming with you.' i demanded

'no.' he said 'i need you to help the others. i need you to stay safe.'

'carl, i am not letting you die.' i argued but he gave me a pleading look, asking me to just let him do what he needed to do. i sighed, stepping forward and pulling him into a kiss 'just promise me you will stay safe.'

'i will.' i nodded.

just before he ran off, i stopped him 'carl,' he turned back 'i love you.'

he smiled as he ran off to the guard tower and i went with everyone else in the opposite direction.