To Let it All go Down in Flames - jegulus/starchaser

The day My world fell apart (Reg Pov)

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hi i hope you like this chapter trigger warnings for themes of family conflict (the blacks being shit to sirius cursio you know the drill, sad shit), emotional distress (reg), panic attacks (regulus again he cant catch a break), and difficult decisions. Reader discretion is advised.

this starts out kind of heavy but it gets lighter i hope you like it :)

hers my tumbler for update info and more shit about the fic and other jegulus/ marauders crap.
https://www.tumblr.com/blog/blackstarregulus79

Do you ever just want to light something on fire? Like a school assignment, or a particularly poor book, maybe ever your family members. Personally, I am the last one. My mother is not a generally kind woman and I know it but then again, she is my mother. So, I at the very least listen to her (no matter how many fantasies of lighting aflame flood my mind), my brother on the other hand does not listen. Oh, he is quite the contrary.

Sirius Orion Black the eldest son of Walpurga and Orion black, the first member of the Black family to be in Gryffindor in... I think ever, he is one of the beaters on the Gryffindor quidditch team, the so-called heartthrob of Hogwarts, best friend of James potter and member of the marauders.

My brother and I have rarely been on the same side of history, it's almost as if anything he does, I make a point to do the opposite. He decides to be loud and proud to have everyone know who he is and what he wants and I on the other hand; I want to go unnoticed. I want to fade into the background. He wants to defy are parents and be in Gryffindor. I want to conform to every single one of their wishes and be the perfect Slytherin son.

That is not to say I didn't love my brother because I did, I loved him so much but love only goes so far. At least that is what I thought. I thought blood was the strongest bond someone can have with another. But I was so wrong. Sharing blood with someone does not mean they earn your trust and loyalty. I sadly did not learn that until very late in my life.

I never tried to be a good person because I did not see the point, I can easily blame that fact on my mother or father hell maybe even both, but I will not and that is entirely my fault. I did not see the good in people or myself, no one saw the good in me... well there was one person. I hated him for so long, well it's more like I forced myself to hate him. He saw the part of me that not even Sirius saw. When I fell, I fell hard and there was no escape. He made me see the point in trying to be good, he made me know what it was like to be genuinely happy, he made me want to try. So, I did, and I died doing it.

The thing about James Potter is he was the first person to see me as more then Sirius Blacks younger brother he saw me as... something good.

That is the story I want to tell you. I want to tell you how I fell in love, how I fought for that love, and how I died on the right side of history, and no one knew. I want to tell you the story of how for the first time in my life I made friends and let myself rely on them and how I watched us all slowly lose our minds.

I Regulus Arcturus Black the youngest death eater in history, Black heir, Slytherin seeker, was the first to discover the dark lords secret, I was the first person to find the most well-kept and heavily guarded horcrux, I tried to kill the dark lord and I was the first person to come so close. I died with no one knowing what I did. And I would not have it any other way.

If I had to pick a place to start my story, I would pick the night my brother refused the dark mark and ran away, it was also the night I became the sole heir to the black family. I think that is the night my future was set in stone, and I eventually cracked that stone.

It was a late summer day, most likely around 5:00 pm. I could hear my brother's screams from the library. I did not know why she was cruising him this time but if I had to guess he was refusing the dark mark... again. I was often called to witness the torture (I think my mother wanted to use Sirius and an example of what happens when you don't show obedience to her wishes) and today was no different.