Pinky Promise--Taekook

The Notebook

TW: mention of anxiety, self-harm

I was bored as hell; it was the weekend and after I'd spent the night with Yoongi I'd left in the morning. (Much to his dismay) and come back to my room to sleep all day. 

But because I'd slept all day, I now wasn't even tired, and it was eleven pm. I might as well do some homework. 

Ew. I never want to think that again. Nevertheless, I opened my backpack and I see Tae's notebook. 

"oooo" I say, as I pulled it out. What a time to be a nosy little punk. 

I looked at the cover, the stickers were worn and random, but they were actually really cool. The book was very thick too, full of messy papers and what looked like little notes. What were all of these?

I opened the cover the inside cover had his phone number and a lot of star stickers. The first page had the words:

                                 Property of: Kim Taehyung, 04.15

He had it for a while, I realize which is why it was so worn. I open the first page. 

04.11.15

My therapist told me this would help me. I don't believe her. This feels like a trap. 

She, (you) want me to talk about my anxiety and about why I self-harm or even my home life. 

I don't want too. 

Below that was a doodle of a middle finger. And the page was bordered with tape that was flipping me off.  I frowned and flipped the page. What was this?

Assignment: Draw

A page was stapled on it was a stunningly realistic drawing of a smiling boy. It was Taehyung. He was looking at the camera, a boxy smile on his face. It was really cute; I'd never seen him smile before. 

The following page was another journal entry. 

04.25.15

I. Don't. Want. To. Talk. 

The next, 

04.26.15

I relapsed. I don't know what to do. I can't stop. 

Over the two pages it looked like spilled coffee stained the pages. I flipped the page again, it looked like a one-sided conversation. 

                                                                                         No. 

            no.                                                                                                   I'm fine. 

                                            No.                          

            Leave me alone.                                                                                                                             no. 

                                                                                I'm tired. 

       no.                                                                                                             I didn't do it. 

The next one was a full conversation. 

Did you jump in the water?

yes. 

Why?

I wanted too. 

You almost died. 

Taehyung, seriously. 

What's wrong with you?

The page following was another drawing. It was a POV shot of a hospital room, Taehyung was in the bed, drawing everything around him. 

I was mesmerized, flipping to the next page. 

04.30.15

I'm not talking to anyone. Stop trying to make me. I'm too fucking tired too. 

She won't stop hitting me. 

Enclosed to the page to the right was an envelope. A letter? a song? I couldn't tell. 

Please tell me you're alright. 

Are you looking down from the clouds? 

with a smile?

I'm worried Taehyung. 

I flipped the page. It was a mess. The pages covered in angry scribbles. 

WHY CAN'T EVERYONE LEAVE ME ALONE? 

The next:

05.05.15

I'm sorry for lashing out at you. I'm an irresponsible teenager. Send me to a hospital I don't care. 

A page was taped over it with the song title: Freckles, Normal The Kid. 

the next was a drawing of a smiling woman. she had a sun hat on and some sunglasses, but you could see her smiling eyes through the lens. She was pretty and kind of looked like Taehyung. 

I continued. 

Tae you have to eat. 

I want to sleep. 

Tae your family's here. 

Let me sleep.

Tae you have to see them.

             Stop calling me that

The page next to it was ripped out, messy handwriting barely visible along the edge. I read the page behind it. 

05.15.15

paper isn't going to help me. I hate this just let me leave. Leave me alone. I want to go to school like the other kids. 

You have to talk, Taehyung. 

05.25.15

I'm going to school. I'm not talking. You can't stop me. 

A conversation again. My eyes seemed glued to the pages as I continued to read the mysterious book. What the hell was this?

When did you last hurt yourself?

Last night. 

Taehyung. 

How much?

Taehyung answer. 

fifty. 

I closed the book. It was concerning, to say the least. Taehyung seemed to be dealing with a lot. I felt bad. I should actually try to be friends with him, instead of blowing him off.