Just A Monster (KP FIC)

17

I jolted upwards and away from the once cold ground, instantly bringing my paws up to my face and touching all over it, indicating what had happened was likely a nightmare but also not at the same time.

I could still hear them, their thoughts and memories with a linger of concern. Why could I still hear them even after my nightmarish episode? Why was I able to hear their thoughts at all? Were they even real to begin with or was the constant regret of knowing what I had done to them driven me to more hallucinations than normal? I could feel my mind completely clog it self with thoughts that I didn't realize one particular detail that drove me a into a state of more madness than I had ever been in. It still hurts. I could still feel the same original pain I had felt from the dream, was it really a dream? Did Feizao actually come back to life and maul me as a form of revenge. I didn't know any better, whatever happened before I had fallen unconscious was a huge blur and led me to think that's what must've happened if I hadn't peacefully fallen asleep like normal. I curled into a ball out of pure fear, I wasn't sure where I was but I knew nobody was around which made me panic even more. My mind couldn't take any more of my ridiculous thoughts and I felt like it had completely shut off, giving it self a temporary break that it never really needed before.

I was afraid and still crying from the previous events so much that I couldn't find the correct words that's been itching at my throat for a while. I didn't know what they were, but they were definitely there. It had almost gotten to a point where I couldn't breath before someone unknown finally came to my aid, making me realize I had unknowingly started screaming bloody murder and begging for help. They quickly wrapped their arms around my head and pulled me close, the contact slowly dragging me back to a realer state and allowing me to hear frantic barks of concern. Am I still dreaming? Or is that a talking flower bush? 

Whoever was holding a tight grasp on my head had began raking their claws through my hair in a soothing manner, making me lean into them and cling onto their waist while they worked their magic. Something was stopping me from scanning the room and finding out where I was. Maybe it was the tears making everything one big blur or it was the gentle touch of the figure made me feel as if I didn't need to to know that wherever I was was a safe environment. They rested their chin on my head, they whispered sweet nothings into my ear, and their patience was above and beyond, all while remaining unbothered by the death grip I was holding on their waist. Despite all of that those weren't the things calming me down, it was that they cared enough to do it in the first place rather then stand there and laugh at me for freaking out over a nightmare as if I was a 6 year old coming into their mothers room and asking if I could sleep in her bed. How do I know they aren't talking shit behind my back while I'm slowly regaining full consciousness? I don't, and I also wasn't in the mood to care. But I felt sane enough to at least confront the figure it self and I gave my self an idea on who it was before I removed my muzzle from their chest and looked up at them.

Of course it was Sprinklekit though, nobody else knew how to properly sooth me like they did. They hadn't realized I noticed them yet, they still seemed distracted by something. I don't know how long I was asleep but I felt exhausted. Fighting for my life in a nightmare must've worked everything out of me huh? They finally turned to glance at me staring at them, I was both admiring them and busy thinking about my self. Rather than commenting on my constant staring however they just stared right back, making the mood both tense and lightly calming. The only sound accompanying the soft staring contest was Sprinklekit's quiet purring and my lazy mouth mumbling out nonsense that was unintelligible.

"I don't have all day Kit, are you gonna kiss them or what?" I heard. We both quickly turned to the source of the words spoken that I've never once heard said. It was just Plantix, standing there and fiddling with a few Medkits. Why the hell did they have so many? Sprinklekit rolled their eyes.

"Whatever, go do something useful will you?" They hissed. I was kind of afraid about them leaving, because I knew the moment they left things would get more serious and there'd be a thick line between asking why I was having a panic attack and why I've been incredibly distant. I wanted to beg them not to leave but before I could word it out they had already gathered brief cases of needles and bandages and walked out. I don't know what usefulness Plantix could be doing while carrying around needles but for once I could say I was glad we were alone. The moment the doors slid closed after them Sprinklekit sighed, I couldn't tell if that was a more relaxed sigh or they were genuinely pissed off about something. I didn't want to ask but at the same time I didn't want it to remain unbearably silent.

"Sprinkle?" I asked. The eye contact we once had was broken and it made me feel a bit lonely even though the grip they were holding had tightened when I spoke.

"Do you remember anything?" I shook my head. I wanted to tell them what happened in the nightmare and the aftermath but it wouldn't make much of any sense if I didn't tell them what's been going on these past few months, which was the last thing I wanted to do in a lifetime of months if it had to be. They chuckled lightly, resting their chin on my head again. Unlike the eye contact I could actually tolerate it without become a trembling and crying mess.

"I thought that hound killed you." They said with sorrow. I remembered my quarrel with that golden slime hound and it's snitching ass kid even though I didn't want to, it was a rather embarrassing encounter.   

"I had to drag you all the way here with the thought that you HAD died and cried the whole way." They didn't seem upset mentioning that part despite how fucked up it was, having to drag a presumed corpse half way across the facility must've been a horror.

"I just.. Was worried, that's all." I nodded slowly, beginning the next era of painful silence in this god forsaken book. I thought deeply, wouldn't now be the best time to tell them if any? There's so many things I need to get off my chest and it just wouldn't add up if I didn't tell it all. I was mixing up words and putting them into sentences as I eventually came together with a perfect way to lay down all of my problems without telling them I've been the culprit of murdering and eating the victims. But when I did I was hesitant to tell them anything at all, was it right for me to do this? I've already put Panther through the agony of listening to me bullshit about problems that shouldn't be my own. They were understanding though, the most heartless bastard in the facility gets vented to about murder and shows compassion for it, why wouldn't Sprinklekit?

Yeah Mochi, let's tell my bsf that I've been eating other gootraxians and they should be fine with it because a fellow psychopath does. Brilliant idea. I decided to stay silent. It's not like they won't find out sooner or later. 

With nothing to say to each other and at a loss for some affection, Sprinklekit took both of my paws into their and slowly pulled me onto my feet. I don't know how bad that hound beat me, but it felt like the force of gravity and hell was forcing me to sit again. I staggered a bit but with the help of Sprinklekit allowing me to lean into them every few moments I managed to stand straight enough to look them in the eye. Of course me struggling to stand didn't change our height differences, I was still towering over them and they seemed to have noticed that. 

"Fuckin cyclopes." They commented before pulling me into a hug to which I wasted no time in returning, giggling once I processed what they had said.

These moments were bound to upset me, I knew it'd never be the same after they found out who I truly was and yet I still tried to build a better relationship with them in order to increase our chances of remaining friends after the fall. I was trying to live another fantasy. I squeezed them tighter, resting my head on their shoulder and crying into it. They didn't question why I had randomly broken down into tears and instead rubbed circles around my back. I didn't know what they had thought I was crying for but for such a reaction they clearly didn't understand.

They'd probably never understand.

Mochi almost goes into cardiac arrest chapter