Take My Hand (Thomas Brodie Sangster)

Part 8 Thomas

I couldn't sleep no matter how hard I tried I felt so helpless, so worthless, I meant nothing to him and he's all I had. I went for a walk trying to keep my head straight but all it did was make my mind spiral. I found myself on the deck looking out at the dark ocean without light or sight. I sat on a bench and had a cigarette in the hopes it would calm me down but all it did was cause this utter wave of tears to flood from my eyes.
Everything he'd done to me.
Everything I had to give up just to keep a roof over my head.
And now i was stuck on a ship to a fate I never wanted. To be sold off like I was nothing.
All I wanted to do was run, of all the opportunities I'd had now I wanted it more then ever and I knew I couldn't I'm on a ship! There is literally nowhere to run that's why he makes us travel like this because he knows I can't escape.
I tried to pase to clear my head but everything just kept spiralling and spiralling in utter panic my heart racing, hardly even able to take a solid breath. I threw my Jacket back to the bench hoping the cold air would calm me down but I was beyond pannicked now.
Knowing I was stuck.
I was fucked.
I didn't have a choice.
I ran my hand thought my hair trying to calm down.
And I caught the railing in my eye, for a moment I want utterly blind to all else I saw the railing with the darkness beyond it. I went closer looking down seeing the sea being cut by the ship...
That's a way out.
That's the only way out.
It'll be quick.
Painless.
Just a jump and then silence.
And all this will be over.
I threw my waistcoat too trying to not feel so hot but I turned away not wanting my depressive panic to make me do something I'll regret but every part of me screamed in utter desperation to do it.
So I kicked off my shoes. And leant over looking over as far as I could. I checked no staff where around and quickly climbed over the edge.