Just the way you are- Leah Williamson

That goddamn smile

To be honest I couldn't sleep
so really not at all
I got myself a glass of water from the kitchen while the door opened
Leah: "What are you still awake for?"
of course it was blondie
Elena: "might ask you the same thing"
Leah: "Yes, but I asked first"
Elena: "Couldn't sleep"
Leah: "Same"
.......there was silence.
Leah:"why jana?"
She asks
Elena:,,mmh ?"
Leah:,,why she?"
Elena:,,who else?"
Leah:"Try to forget me with your other Girls but what we had was not a situationship, it was real Elena"
Elena:,,I know"
Leah: "We could be happy, why are you destroying what makes you happy?"
Elena:,,I do not know"
I didn't look into her eyes for a second, just stared at my glass of water
Elena: "You deserve better Leah, we both know that"
I finally managed to look into her eyes
Leah: "What if I don't want something better?"
Elena: "Leah..."
Leah:,,"what leah, elena i want you and secretly you also read our chats and look at pictures of us"
how the hell does she know that?
Elena: "Leah hell of course you were my first love"
Leah:"were..."
Elena:"Still i dont know really Leah "
Leah:"Then why Jana?"
Elena:"It's easier to be with someone you can't love, than to admit you love someone you can't have you know "
Leah:"Elena... jana has feelings just like you do when she falls in love and you then tell her that everything was actually just a bit of a distraction...its not fair"
Elena: "Loving you secretly is safer for my heart"
If I could turn back time, believe me I would have done it right now
Leah:"But loving me out loud is healthier...for both of us"
that eye contact again
I just can't fight it
Leah: "It's been two months and it feels like I've wasted half of my life."
We dated two months ago. However, we were never in a relationship.
Everything else will be told to you as we go on, don't worry.
the real reason i can never be with leah is simple
you can't love anyone more than yourself, because then your whole happiness depends on this one person
and well what can i say leah means more to me than anyone
as cold as i sometimes react to, i don't do it because it's the truth but because i have to.
Elena: "Do you remember when your mom used to make us cocoa?"
Leah: "Okay, that was random but yeah"
Elena: "I need one right now"
My parents died.
I didn't have an easy youth, but my childhood was great.
I had everything that children wanted.
However, the approach could perhaps be changed somewhat.
Both my parents were alcoholics. My father also suffered from drug addiction and depression. I think he was also a bit schizophrenic but that's just my guess.
My mother suffered extremely from this.
Shortly after my father died of an overdose, my mother also took her own life.
I would have been sent to a children's home. If it hadn't been for Leah.
Me and Leah met when I moved to Arsenal.
From the U12 in Barcelona I went to Arsenal.
I met her there and we quickly became good teammates. We started meeting outside of the team and became good friends.
When I was 15 and my mum died, Amanda was the one who became my second mother.
Sounds strange at first when you know that I later dated her daughter, I know.
But she was always there, not just her, Leah's whole family was automatically my family too.
Leah: "She recently said that you should call her again"
Elena: "Yeah, okay, I'll do it"
Leah: "Then good night I guess"
Elena: "Sleep well"

*Next day

Jana drove home again in the morning.
Leah didn't even notice anything, I think.
I was in my room on my phone when someone came in.
Leah: "Mind if I come in?"
Elena: "Come in"
We are good friends, I don't want to deny that at all, but there will always be more.
We talked for at least 2 hours about everything.
Since there are no games today and the weekend, we finally have a break.
We watched a movie in the evening and yes, she slept by me.
Yes, we may have kissed. Nothing special ( I didn't just felt butterflies. I felt the whole zoo.)