Here's A Secret... My Life Sucks

Chapter 23

Dinner ended; I was told not to help clean up, so I just went up to take a shower. It wasn't a very long one, but it seemed that way. I wipe the condensation off my mirror and stare at myself through the mirror. I took a deep breath and broke eye contact with my reflection. I got changed and walked to my room. Jay was lying in bed and looking at his phone, that was until he noticed me in the doorway. I was drying my hair with my damp towel, looking in the mirror attached to my vanity. I felt Jay's eyes in the back of my skull, sending shivers down my spine. It was a dark stare. He ended up being the one to break the silence.

"Hey." Jay said dryly.

"Hey." I repeated and threw my towel into my laundry basket. I was afraid of where this conversation was going to end up. Was it going to end up as a fight, or was he going to end up comforting me in this troubling time?

He didn't say anything as I got myself situated into bed with my book, but I could still feel his eyes on me regardless of where I was. I tried to ignore it as much as I could, however I got really annoyed after a while.

"Is there something you want to say to me Jay? Or are you just going to stare at me like I just killed a puppy in front of you?" I asked irritated, bringing my book down from my face and onto my lap.

"I don't know, I guess I am just disappointed and pissed off." Jay snapped at me.

"Excuse me? I haven't done anything to you. Why are you pissed at me?" I remarked with a slight attitude.

"Skye told me, don't play coy with me Elle. You never told me that you almost killed yourself." He began to raise his voice at me.

"Why is that something you need to know? It happened before I even knew you existed, and it shouldn't matter to you anyways?" I rose my voice to the same volume as he did with his.

"Of course, it should matter to me! I'm your fiancé! You should be telling me about you and your past, not hiding it from me! Are you afraid that if I found out that I would leave you or something?" He ranted.

I just sat there in silence, staring into my bed sheet, just letting him vent it out.

"What aren't you telling me Elle?" He snapped me out of my own world that I was zoned out in.

I hesitated before I opened my mouth to gently explain what I had held back from him for so long, "look before I tell you everything you have to tell me that you are ready to hear what I am about to tell you, and you have to promise me that you won't run off."

His eyes narrowed into a squint, he grabbed my hand and looked at me with pity, "Elle, I am not going to leave you. Please tell me everything you have been keeping from me."

I nodded and proceeded to explain.

A little while later after explaining everything, I had been engulfed into Jay's arms. Tears falling from both mine and Jay's. "And that's why I haven't had the nerve to tell you. I knew you would be upset. That's why I just kept it to myself." I said as I heard him sniff.

"You shouldn't be keeping these things from me Elle. We need to be open about these things." Jay said sincerely.

"After all I just explained to you, that's what you got from it? You're kidding me, right?" I was suddenly enraged. "Do you know how hard it is to live with the fact that I did end up almost killing myself? How hard it was to spill out everything to you? And that's all you have to say about this?" I hadn't realized until I stopped talking that my voice was beginning to rise.

"Elle, I'm just trying to say that I wish you had told me this a long time ago. That's it." He seemed confused as to why I was acting like this. "I just don't understand why you thought you needed to end your life over something so childish." He says without hesitation.