Random Countryhumans Oneshots

The winter war

Requested by: starryblizzard

I had to touch a history site for this one and I still can't understand shit so this is inaccurate as hell

Basically at the time before ww2, Soviet Union decided that it will be a good idea to expand it's territory and chose Finland as his victim, except he should of had choose another country because Finland kicked his ass

"Hey let's start a war cuz why not?" Said by Soviet union "stfu Soviet onion, this is why your wife left you" Finland pulled a middle finger "calm the hell down bitch, I can easily beat you up" Soviet union replied "yea sure" Finland sarcastically replied and now the war broke out

"Just surrender already!" Soviet union said covered in injuries and snow "no way in hell bro" Finland held a gun on his head "any last words?" Finland said "wait is that Denmark?" Soviet pointed behind Finland causing Finland to look back, only to realize no one is there and he just got outsmarted with the most dumbest way ever, he looked back infront of him and Soviet is gone, Finland can be stupid but he has a trick up his sleeve...

As Soviet limped his way to his private jet (does soviet even have that in his time? Private jets are probably still only available in Germany or is in development but who cares) and went back to Russia to prepare for the next round, he sat on the bed with bandages all around his body and while he reads a book, the door opened to reveal someone, probably a visitor... Oh wait he has children, no way in hell someone wanna visit him "hey papa! Are you okay..?" A young Belarus asked "I'm fine sweetie" Soviet Union pats her head "Papa! I told you to not treat me like a child!" Belarus pouted making Soviet Union chuckle "okay okay" He said "now why don't you go play with your siblings? Papa needs some alone time" The communist said and Belarus left, Soviet onion thought "if I want to invade Finland then I need to be stronger.." he thought then made a schedule in his head that tomorrow, he has to train his army, wait can Soviet even stand properly? Probably not.

"C'MON SOLDIERS, WE CAN'T INVADE FINLAND IF YOU ALL ARE LAZING AROUND" Soviet said in a wheelchair while his army is training really hard, "Dad, they have been training too hard recently, I think they need a break" said by Russia "shut, you don't even know how to lead an army of your own" Soviet said and moved his wheelchair to the testing grounds and tries to stand up but ends up falling face first to the ground, a bunch of his soldiers immediately stood him up, Russia just stood there wondering why the hell is this a big deal when they can easily defeat Finland using the tanks and army stuff

"Hey Finny~ I have come again to invade you but this time I'll 100% beat you up" Soviet said while doing a badass pose "don't you dare call me finny ever fucking again you red onion head" Finland said with a really thick Finnish accent, it kinda scares Soviet for a bit but he still stood his ground, "anyways, Finny I have a surprise~!" Suddenly a bunch of well armed soldiers jumped on Finland but Finland knew this is gonna happened, which is why he chose this specific place for battlefield, suddenly a massive snowstorm hit the area causing people to freeze here and there "you think you can defeat me? WELL THINK AGAIN" Finland then pulled a pocket knife out and stabbed Soviet on the eye, guess that's why onion has an eye patch, also what's with everyone stabbing other people's eyes? It's creeping me out.

"Dad what the hell did you do now" Russia stared at his dad in disbelief as he looks at Soviet union having an eye missing, even more injuries, ripped clothes, and no ushanka because it flew away from the wind "I may or may not lost an eye from a fight with some puny country" Soviet said and then bandages the part with no eye "I see..." Russia said "see? Lmao you're wearing a fucking blindfold" Soviet said "how the hell are you still be able to know your directions with that blindfold on?" He asked "I'm just built different" Russia said with a smirk "you look awful btw" Russia said "no, I look badass" Soviet said as I image the situation, Soviet indeed look badass, "okay but like you need to go to a hospital" Russia said "I can deal with myself" Soviet onion replied and went to his office

"OH MY FUCKING GOD SOVIET JUST GIVE UP ALREADY" Finland shouted in anger as he goes to his backyard only to see Soviet staring at him at the woods, Soviet only replied with "just let me invade you" "AHHHHHHHHH" Finland got jumped by some soldiers and he got knocked out, fucking finally, but little does Soviet know... That ain't Finland, that's a random paid actor with a similar voice as Finland who got knocked out (the dude is wearing make up), The real Finland hit Soviet Union on the head with an axe and Sovi died

Just kidding, onion lived for some reason...

If only Finland succeeded in killing Sovi then Poland would be very happy