Cordelia

chapter 32 ~ rain

After talking with Lee, I started to walk home. I didn't take a taxi because I needed some fresh air.

But even the fresh and cold air against my face couldn't extinguish the heat that was in my heart.

It was burning.

My legs felt weak. I couldn't even smoke because I couldn't even breathe; I couldn't inhale enough air to put my thoughts into order.

I know anger is deaf; he was angry.

That's why he didn't listen to me.

It's not that I'm trying to make an excuse for him; it's the truth that I was the same way.

Maybe some part of me actually wants to know what he wants to say to me.

Or maybe there is only one particular question that I have: at any point in our time together, has he ever felt the same way I felt about him?

I lay on the floor, trying to hide from them. I look at the stars as the rain drops fall into my eyes.

I'll look at the stars in the sky, remembering that we look at the same ones.

I guess I will never get the answer I want.

Maybe even I will overtake the grave. I will be buried because when I tell you I bleed like crazy right now, I actually do.

Why, you may ask

It's because of me. I thought I escaped my past; I really did. I thought that after Fyodor was dead, I would have the freedom I have always wanted, but look at how that turned out.

His dad is loyal, but only a few people who were loyal to him aren't.

It's late at night. I was walking home when suddenly I saw a few men following me. It's not a big deal for me; I've dealt with many men before.

But they were not just random men; they were Fyodor's men.

He hunted me even after his death.

I did nothing because I was shot in the leg. I stare at the sky, admiring its beauty.

One of the things I actually love is the smell of rain, and I'm kind of thankful that the last thing I'm seeing before death is this.

I haven't really gotten as close to death as I am right now, but I hope that will be peaceful, like when you fall asleep on a couch and your brothers take you upstairs, covering you with blankets and giving you a good-night kiss on the forehead.

My eyes filled with heavy rain sounds, which started to sound a little different with my eyes closed.