Cordelia

chapter 56 ~demons inside of your head

i open my eyes and unpleasant white light hit my eyes, i try to rub my eyes but hint of pain crosses my wrist, i look at it and then realized what was happening, 

i remember

remember taking myself from my loved once, how i broke a vase and sliced my wrist with it multiple times, 

remember Everett laying in my blood with me and watched him cry out my name and beg me not to leave him, i thought i did the right thing

I did the one thing that could end it all.

But it didn't end.

i am here, with regret of leaving everything behind and everyone-

my thought were interrupted by door opening, i look aside and see everyone and by means everyone i care for barge in the room with widened eyes and worried face

"please one by one" the nurses try their best to say it politely "please one at the time" they repeat

"you go first ma'am" they tell mom and she comes in with Nate

"Cordelia" moms soft tired voice calls me

"thank fuck you're back, Cordelia, we were worried sick" Nate comes running to me like a little kid and gently hugs me

"you know who we are right" mom asks thinking that i lost memories?

"yes, mom, of course" my voice is raspy, my throat feels dry

"I'm sorry, they say after coma they can lose memories and i thought-" she sighs in relief that her thoughts stayed only in her mind and didn't came true

"I'm sorry baby, i should have been more close to you, i- i didn't call not texted you, i am so so sorry my baby" she's trying to hold her tears so hard, i can tell, but I'm not her, i can't hold back to i het my tear ran down my cheek

"it's okay mom" i hold her hand

"have a red love, I'll go get your things" mom said as she stood up and got put of the room, which leaves me and Nate alone

"how are you feeling, does anything hurt?" my brother asks me

"if we consider that i almost died I'm feeling okay" i i try to make this situation better but fail

"Don't joke about shit like that. Your life is not a fucking joke" he's angry, is it me?

"are you angry at me" i breath heavily, his eyes soften as he started to shook his head

"no no no baby sis, i could never be mad at you" he tries to touch my face to make me look at him but he stops himself. is this how they'll be act as if I'm fragile and I'll brake at any second?

"Aurora, i am sorry, i feel like a bad brother, i don't want you to think that I'm mad at you when who I'm mad at is no one but myself for not being there for you, we have seen each others up's and down's, i was not there to protect you from our father, Fyodor nor what happened to you now" he takes a big breath

"Nate, you are the best big brother anyone could ask for, really. you couldn't protect me from our father because if you stood for yourself back then you wouldn't be here right now, and i do not blame you. what happened with Fyodor is no ones fault but fathers, i was five and you were eight, what could you have done" i explain to him

we stay like that for a minute, enjoying the silence but then i decided to speak up

"Nate..." i look at him

"what" he looks at me, he knows I'm up to something

"i need to tell you something" he doesn't say anything "it's about Everett"