"Say something?" Stevie sat up in bed and switched on the light again. Christian was still facing the other way from her and she was becoming frustrated with his silence. "I just told you, I..."
"I heard it."
"And you have nothing to say about it?"
"I just don't understand why? What am I doing wrong? Haven't I been treating you like a queen? What is it, Stephanie?"
"No, exactly! You've been treating me too well, our relationship, you are too fucking perfect! Things are never like that."
"They can be, but you're not used to it. You're just waiting for me to fuck up, to scream something at you, to go out and cheat on you, to hurt you. I'm not Lindsey, I love you and I care for you enough not to do any of it. Did you sleep with him to arise anger in me? To treat you like a piece of shit? Do you like that? Do you want that? Do you want me to get so mad at you, so I would slam you against the wall and fuck you, so you can't walk tomorrow?"
"I don't deserve you, Christian." She said calmly, tears falling down her face. "You know, everything you've just described... That's how I always pictured relationships. That's all my relationships have been. It was always fueled by anger and passion."
"Are you saying I'm not passionate about you?"
"I'm saying, I'm not passionate about you, Christian."
"Where is this all coming from? Everything was going great before you returned after the break. What did he say to you? What lie did he tell you this time?"
"I'm just as bad as he is."
"You're not, you just keep telling yourself that. Stephanie, you're a remarkable woman, beautiful in every sense of the word. You're better than what he's made you to be. You've dedicated years of your life to that man, believing everything that came out of his mouth. He made you think you're not worthy of finding happiness of your own, he made you think that you're his and you have to wait, until he decides he's had enough of playing happy families."
"Maybe, but I love him. No man has been able to change what I feel."
"This means I haven't been trying hard enough."
"Christian, no... You've been amazing and I'm so sorry, but I will never fall in love with you."
"What we have now is enough for me."
"It can't be. How are you going to feel when I'm saying I Do to you, but I'm imagining it's Lindsey? When we make love on our first night as a married couple and I wish it was him? When I look at you every morning and hope that somehow, his eyes are going to stare back at me? And I know you'll know all of it too. Aren't you going to hurt? You'll have me, but you never actually will."
"Then that's the sacrifice I have to make."
"STOP! Stop lying to yourself! You will never be happy either, Christian!"
"You just don't believe it that I'm in love with you. You don't think I could have fallen for you so quickly, that's why you're trying to push me away. You think you deserve less. YOU have to stop lying to yourself."
"Why me? How am I different from other women? Why did you ask me to marry you after one month of knowing me?"
"I believe it was you who told me you can't choose who you fall in love with."
Stevie got up from the bed and went over to the window, looking out over the city, all the lights always had a calming effect on her. She was almost tempted to go out for a walk, but that wouldn't be very safe. She sighed, replaying everything Christian said and she was shocked he was still fighting for her. It would have been so much easier if he had shouted at her, called her names and left. The fact he didn't spoke volumes to her.
After giving Stevie a couple of minutes, Christian walked up behind her, putting his hands on her shoulders, then sliding them down her arms. He left a trail of kisses on the back of her neck after moving her hair out of the way and she immediately leaned back into him.
"I'm so sorry for what I did."
"It's fine. It's not, but we'll get through it."
"You still want me?"
"Haven't you heard any of what I said?"
"No, I did..." She turned in his arms, locking her hands around his neck. "I can't believe you're such an incredible man."
He leaned in to capture her lips and she closed her eyes when he did, sighing softly, as he walked backwards to the bed and fell back onto it, pulling her on top of himself. It was completely different to a an hour ago. She wanted him, he made her feel good. She wasn't imagining Lindsey now, no. She was making love to her fiance and it was amazing.
"We just needed to open up to each other." Christian said, as they were laying cuddled up later.
"I wish the things I told where different though."
"Forget about it. We have a lot better things to look forward to in the future, let's not dwell on the past."
"How do you honestly feel?"
"About what?"
"Well... Me and Lindsey, that I betrayed you."
"I'm upset, but all I can do is hope you're not going to do it again."
"I promise. I do love you, Christian. In my own way, but I do."
He half smiled, pressing a kiss to her temple. "That's all I can ask for."
