A Strange Kind of Beautiful

Chapter 1: Before Them

Chapter 1: Before Them

Why do we regret in the end?

Friendship, love, age, people, happiness. No matter how we kept them alive, they always fade away. No matter how much we value them, or hold onto them, there are times we had to let them go. Treasure it yet we still lose them. No matter how deep you bury those pain caused by the people who hurt us, there are some times we are haunted by it. We lose things we can't replace. We only cherish moments once they're gone.

How sad it can be. But that is the meaning of life. Every day is a chance to change and to change means a lot of sacrifices, losses, and pain. I understand some people are scared of changes, those who stays in their safe spaces, their comfort zone, an endless loop they always do. There are constant changes around them, they don't realize it, or they just won't accept the way it is. Either way, they spend most of their lives in fear and suffering.

Life changed a lot once I stepped into my senior high school year. Finally, I was able to live alone, renting a boarding house, living most of my life independently although my parents still have their roles of providing me financially. The first night in my boarding house, I was unable to sleep. I was staring at my ceiling, with so many questions in my head.

Ano kayang mangyayari bukas?

Will I be able to meet new people?

Will I meet new friends?

Ano kayang lunch ko bukas?

Will I enjoy the rest of the day tomorrow?

There are some questions that don't require a direct response. Take action and that, itself is the answer.

I wouldn't say I had a lot of fun that day. I was nervous and quiet most of the time. I got lost. Hindi ko alam kung saan talaga ang classroom ko. It was raining and I don't have my umbrella with me. Nahihiya akong magtanong-tanong sa mga tao. I feel like their eyes were fixated on me at mas lalo pa akong kinakabahan roon. But I approached some of them.

It's better to ask for help when things get difficult.

I did ask for their assistance. It made me easier to take the path I should go. I found where I am going. Nahanap ko na rin ang room ko. On that first day of school, may nakilala rin ako. We introduced each other's names and our previous schools. Someone caught my attention that day. This tall girl who talks so eloquently and I found attractive in some ways and this girl who shouldn't be wearing socks and has her hair up in a bun, and her geek glasses making her look like a complete nerd. Ka-table ko siya but she sits along with the guys.

I didn't pay much attention to her. In fact, I was interested in this tall girl that her name was the first thing I remembered. Her name's April. That day, I already knew she's smart and she's going to top the class. I wasn't wrong.

My initial impression of her performance in class, active participation in the activities, and interpersonal skills was astonishment. All happened within just the first week of class. I admired her for that and makes me want to be like her. I want to be friends with her, but she seems to have a lot of friends already. I feel timid approaching her every time our paths crossed. So, there are times I avoid her eye contact and leave as soon as she's near my personal space.

It was also where I faced a great confusion in my life.

A week later, that's where I get to know Emjae. The other girl who caught my attention. I didn't like her that first day of school. You see, I have this obsession of winning. That means, I compete with everyone else. She is the first person I think of as one of my rivals. Really, I have no idea why. However, I was only envious of her.