A Strange Kind of Beautiful

Chapter 8

Chapter 8:

You know what's great about birthdays?

Surprises.

Lagi naman ganyan. Typically, birthdays are observed in a unique way. Having long-distance friends or lovers surprise you on your birthday, buy you a cake, sing you a song, give you gifts, and make arrangements for you to spend the day with your loved ones and family.

Knowing that my father doesn't really celebrate his birthday, I was perplexed as to why my cousin, aunt, and uncle were invited to his birthday celebration. He even had a venue for it, and he invited a lot of people as well. I can sense something different, and I was not used of the situation I am dealing with.

We stopped by at his girlfriend's house where there were balloons, a karaoke, a lot of people that I don't even know, a lot of foods served on the table. It was not as extravagant as any other birthday celebration. Mukhang fiesta pa nga ang tawag rito.

I was seated with my cousin at nagmano ako sa ibang matatanda. I waited for some kind of announcement but when my father finally arrived, silence followed. He sat beside his girlfriend and my aunt and uncle was with him as well.

"Sigurado ka ba talaga sa anak ko, Jose?"

My heart dropped at the moment.

"Kailan niyo balak ikasal?"

What the fuck?

This is absolutely not a birthday party. What the hell is happening? I am the only one who has no idea what is going on while everyone else seems to be fully informed. I was staring at my father eyeing him on what the fuck is going on. He just smiled at me and glanced at his girlfriend.

I want to leave.

I badly want to leave.

I felt so betrayed.

I felt so fucking betrayed.

That wasn't the plan I was expecting to happen. That wasn't the thought that lingered in my head. He never told me he had a girlfriend and he never told me about this day. Why is he like me? Why is he such a disappointment?

I wanted to cause a scene because I was so furious. But I lack the assurance necessary to do so. I truly want to get out of there, but I'm not sure how. My heart was pounding so loudly at the time, and I couldn't even manage to contain my fury, so I texted Emjae to call me and divert me in some way. I didn't want to look my father in the eyes or anyone else in this horrible place, and my leg was shaking.

Is this why he's being nice to me these past few days?

Fuck. I should have thought about it. Hindi dapat ako nagpakampante.

I didn't want to think about it. Nabibigla ako. Binibigla nila ako. Should I be shocked if his girlfriend unexpectedly becomes pregnant soon? Wala ba siyang balak sabihin sa akin hangga't hindi ko nalalaman sa iba? Why is he being such an asshole!

If the future me would deal in this kind of situation, what could I do?

I guess it would feel the same but if ever it happens again with the older me, I think I would confront my father about it. Unlike what I did, we didn't talk about it, and I did not initiate to have a conversation with him. I just chose to be silent. Because if I did ask him the answers I've been seeking for, I'm sure I wasn't ready to hear it, or it will make me feel more disappointed at him.

The holiday was finally over. April greeted me a happy new year. I replied the same. I spent my holidays mostly chatting Emjae and Maxine. I was not prepared when the holiday is over. Time passed away. Time passed too quick. Ang bilis ng panahon at marami ring nabago although I could tell, I was the same Kiara they know.