A Strange Kind of Beautiful

Chapter 7

Chapter 7:

Chasing waves. I removed my slippers and felt the sinking sand warming my toes. I wasn't able to run away when I saw a huge wave coming from my direction. I freeze and wait for the moment for those waves to calm down. It did. But I wasn't able to escape when it started chasing me. I got caught by the sea, splashing the hem of my pants.

April was laughing at me. I brought her to this place where Emjae and I hang out. I remembered telling Emjae na dadalhin ko siya rito and so I did. I was able to convince her, but she brought her other friend. I wasn't able to enjoy everything kasi hindi naman kami masyadong nagtagal. It started raining nang makarating kami ng terminal.

Her pal left us and went elsewhere with someone. I had the opportunity to spend time with her. We only have one umbrella with us, and we decide to walk despite the intense downpour.

Last week, she confessed to Cleo. She informed me about it. Even as we continued to hang together, she would bring her up or I would start bringing up Cleo. To put it simply, this has to be the craziest thing I've ever done for myself. Bringing up the girl she liked despite the fact that I liked her. Despite how foolish it is, I still did it.

She felt bad about it. She initially refuses to discuss her with me because she knows it will make me feel bad. But I insisted to do so just because I loved talking and spending my time with her.

I initially had no problem with the fact that she wants to talk about her. But she kept bringing her up, virtually every time we got together. I would experience the need to end myself in the most compassionate manner conceivable.

I would ask myself lately. "What the fuck are you doing?" "Look what you've done."

I'll be honest—it doesn't feel right. Let's just say that I was in pain as well. However, in all honesty, I believe I earned it. I was the one who first wanted it. However, if it were to occur once more with someone I liked as much as April, and it happened to them too... Never again will I do it.

What a foolish thing we do for fucking love.

"Should I stop?"

April was unable to answer that simple question for a few minutes.

"I don't know."

"I want to hang out with you, but I don't want you to keep hoping." She added.

I sighed. The same is what I desire. But I'm not sure how this will turn out. My feelings would undoubtedly remain the same if we continued to hang out, and I wouldn't know what to do after that.

Should I give this a chance? Or listen to Emjae just for once?

"You should stop if you don't want to hurt yourself anymore. But if you continue liking her despite the uncertainty of being pursued back or not, sige lang. Ipagpatuloy mo lang yan. If ever umiyak ka, just call me. Tagay tayo."

Emjae gives such useful yet stupid advice.

"I think we should just remain friends." April said.

I laughed with sarcasm. "No."

April looked at me, confused. "Why? Am I a bad influence?"

I shook my head. Natawa ako sa tanong niya. I should be the one asking her that.

"I don't want to be friends with someone I liked."

Especially if I still have feelings for them. I don't want to cut ties either.

"You're not a bad influence, April."

"Nag-ce-celebrate nga ako kapag mas mataas marka ko sa'yo."

There are times I check her papers. Whether it was quiz, test, or a group performance. I would ask some of my classmates what score she got and if ever I got higher score, I would celebrate myself. That's my way of competition. But I only do that to her.