Heaven's So Far Away - A Sam Winchester X Female Reader Fic

Chapter 8

Y/N's POV

He was clinically insane....he had to be.

I'd met many a patient in my time that had delusions revolving the end of the world...or the Devil...or angels...or demons...how could Sam's ideation be any different?

Religion itself is such a predominant thing in humanity...it shapes the way humans behave, it creates the foundations of their moral compasses...many countries, including this one, were built off of values depicted in religious texts. Humans have a natural fear of the unknown...and yet, such an innate fascination with the afterlife...and the idea of the world coming to an end, in one way or another, is something that's crossed the minds of every person on the planet, at least once or twice.

So it would make sense...that when plagued by a thing as incapacitating as psychosis...religion will surely leave it's mark there too. 

And, as much as it demolished my heart...that's what I wholeheartedly believed was happening to Sam. 

Sam never went into too much depth about the trauma he'd faced growing up, but it was trauma nonetheless. I knew he was never really given a fair shot...how could he, when his earliest memory was of gut-wrenching tragedy, and he was raised by a family that never truly healed from it? 

There have been multiple instances where I, myself, have turned my attention to God, and I've angrily asked him "why?"...I don't think there's a person alive who has never demanded some form of an answer. 

But when traumatic wounds are inflicted and left untreated...they grow infected. And the same can be said about wounds that are internal...invisible. They can alter brain chemistry, they can take on a mentality and motor-skills of their own...and the human brain is the most powerful machine in existence... so, who really knows what it could be capable of? Especially when an in-depth fascination revolving religion has already taken root...and all those angry "why?"s are left unanswered.

All of this....was how my mind tried to rationalize the words coming out of Sam's mouth....the words that were so genuine....just like the sight of painstaking truth in his eyes. 

He believed them...he believed his story with his entire soul...that much was clear. And given how utterly in love with this man I was, I tried my hardest to believe it too, I really did...but I just couldn't. I'd never once been presented with evidence of the supernatural....I was only aware of hard, scientific facts.

But still...that being said...the specifics of his story, aligning perfectly with that of my patient's story...that was a little harder to dissect. Surely, it was a coincidence... maybe it was the storyline of some movie, or book, or video game that I was unfamiliar with...and their minds had morphed it into some twisted reality. 

I just couldn't shake the feeling that I was missing something though...both Sam, and my patient, were still incredibly functional and cognitive, despite their beliefs...

And...I also couldn't ignore the fact...that I still wasn't able to wrap my mind around a single, logical theory as to why my patients died the way they did. Before Sam swooped in and clouded my brain...I'd nearly driven myself to the point of madness with all the puzzling I was doing on that matter. Something just...wasn't right...

It was all so overwhelming, and trying to process all of it began to physically hurt. 

But even though I didn't believe any of it...I still decided to do my best to validate Sam. I wanted him to think that I truly believed...because I couldn't bare to see him so angry and in so much emotional turmoil...I didn't want him to feel like he was alone in this.