Heaven's So Far Away - A Sam Winchester X Female Reader Fic

Chapter 17

(Warning: Graphic blood and gore, graphic violence.)

Sam's POV

I almost forgot how fucking incredible this feels.

Uninhibited. Unlimited. Unrestricted.

Just pure fucking power.

Obviously, when I first learned the truth about having demon blood in my veins from the time I was an infant...I was disgusted. It solidified the self-demeaning belief that I had always been a freak...never able to fully fit into any part of society.

I felt impure...unclean.

But when Ruby introduced me to ingesting more demon blood...it was as if something long dormant had been awakened. It was a feeling too incredible to describe. 

It was as if all the veins that channeled my blood throughout my entire body were coating with a sturdy layer of pure steel...granting me some semblance of invincibility.

Whenever I used the powers that the demon blood granted me....it did take a physical toll, I'll admit. Headaches, nosebleeds, exhaustion...but none of that was enough to get me to stop.

It's like how cigarette smokers know for a fact the consequence of chain smoking... they know the risk of cancer, they know the risk of popcorn-lung...but they do it anyway...because that headbuzz given by a cigarette...that absolute rush...it just felt too good to ever get enough.

It was sort of like that...only the blood made me the strongest, most fearless version of myself...and it was way more addicting than nicotine could ever hope to be.

I hesitated at first....believe me, I did.

I found Ruby and I felt dirty for even standing in her presence. She was her snobby, flirty self the second she saw me...but the only thing in my mind was Y/N. How would she feel if she knew where I was...what I was about to do?

I left the comfort of my sweet, golden-hearted, loving, gorgeous woman to come drink tainted blood from a creature that stood for everything immoral. Of course I felt fucking disgusted with myself.

But given the gravity of the situation...that was a mental strife I had no choice but to set to the side for later. The clock has struck the final hour, here...and I knew what I had to do. I knew the risk I had to be willing to take.

Demon or not, I do trust Ruby...she's pulled Dean and I's asses out of the fire so many times...she even gave us the only blade in the entire world that could kill demons. How far could we possibly have progressed if it hadn't been for that?

She's the one who scooped me off the ground after Dean had gone to Hell and left me alone...that's something I couldn't ignore. I just wish Dean saw it that way. 

I fucking hated how he and I left things...that just added to the overall disgusting, sickly feeling I had about my own damn self. But maybe he'll forgive me when I make it home...and Lucifer is still safely behind bars.

Besides, if Ruby was so bad...why would she be training me to kill the thing Dean and I have been trying to kill for months now? Why would she be leading me directly to her front door while I'm super-charged?