Heaven's So Far Away - A Sam Winchester X Female Reader Fic

**Chapter 19**

(Warning: Graphic Smut ahead!! Roughness involved. Reader discretion is advised!)

Y/N's POV

Trust me, I was still incredibly livid.

I mean, how could I not be?

I felt lighter after exploding at Sam, though...and after demolishing one of the old junk cars in Bobby's salvage yard.

Damn, that felt good.

After Sam had kissed me in the yard, he turned to head back inside...careful not to push his luck too far. I stayed behind and just looked over all the damage I had dealt that old beater...and I joked to myself about how whenever I go back to work, prescribing a day of therapeutic vandalism might just do my patients some good.

But that humorous thought immediately turned sour....because it hit me that going back to work was....impossible.

There was no turning back now.

I guess I had it in my mind that this would be temporary...I would stay at the safehouse until my knight in shining armor killed the bad guys and then I'd return home and live happily ever after...tending to patients by day, and tending to Sam by night.

But as I'd mentioned before...my story wasn't a romance novel any longer....it was a horror.

My bosses and colleagues had been blowing up my phone since I left Lawrence...and I was so enraptured by Sam's whereabouts and getting to know Dean and Bobby that I'd just wound up blocking them all without giving it a second thought...until now.

I deserted them...my patients...my friends...my home.

I couldn't go back. How could I, even if I wanted to? How am I supposed to live my day-to-day life after this?

I'd nearly been killed by a ghost, a demon, the fucking Devil, and then a plane crash...and it had barely been a month since I'd left home.

The man I love is hooked on drinking demon blood, his brother and adopted father have been training me like some sort of fucking Jedi, I just watched Satan explode from a bloody hole in the ground, and now we're waiting to hear from an angel to see what in the ever-loving fuck we're supposed to do now.

I wouldn't be welcomed back to work at this point. I'd be put in a straightjacket and thrown head-first into a padded room.

My house is more than likely going into foreclosure at some point...something tells me that gearing up for Armageddon doesn't exactly pay well. All the things I left behind...the stable roof I'd worked so hard to put over my head...gone, just like that. Poof.

But all of that seemed null and void...it was present in my mind, to be sure...but I couldn't exactly bring myself to care.

Not with this divide that rested between Sam and I now.

That's the fucking kicker, isn't it? You trade your entire life away for a man you fell in love with a lifetime ago, just for you to sleep in separate rooms and choke on the tension that comes with close proximity.

I was pissed...so pissed. Sam and I formed our relationship off an equal amount of give and take...and lately, I'd been giving a hell of a lot more than I'd been receiving from him. Honesty, for starters. Stability...transparency...tranquility.