Heaven's So Far Away - A Sam Winchester X Female Reader Fic

**Chapter 14**

(Warning: Graphic Smut Ahead. Reader discretion is advised!)

Y/N's POV

Given my line of work...I'm pretty good at deciphering things.

I know how to read tells, I know how to interpret thoughts and dreams, I know how to read the most minute details in between the lines.

But after witnessing that whole altercation at the dinner table....I felt absolutely stumped.

I was clueless...lost...honestly, that's probably why I stormed out so fast. I was just so frustrated.

Sam had filled me in on the seven years we'd been apart...given me every impossible detail, filled in every blank he could, and given me the answers I'd been dying for. Yet, given the fact I couldn't understand a word of what he and Dean were talking about...I felt like I was still in the dark about so much.

I wasn't mad at them, per say. How could I be? It's not like any of them asked to be involved with something as big as fucking Armageddon. But something about that entire confrontation felt...secretive. Like there was something I wasn't supposed to know.

I had no clue why...apart from being bait for Sam, what could I possibly have to do with any of this? It's not like I'm gonna swoop in last minute and fuck up some cosmic scale. What reason would the three of them have for hiding something from me now?

My optimistic take on it was that maybe it was just for my sanity. Maybe they were being empathetic to how overwhelmed I am, and they didn't want to make that any worse. But my gut was telling me it was something more than that....because after so many years of lies...Sam should know better than to keep something from me, right?

Even if it is something I'm apparently too small-minded to understand.

My train of thought was derailed by the sound of a gentle knock on my bedroom door, and I took a deep breath, trying to calm my never-resting mind.

"Come in." I called out, and the door creaked open as Sam peered inside, looking even more exhausted and drained than he did while I was down there.

"Hey...you okay?" he asked me gently, stepping inside and closing the door behind him.

"Yeah...I'm managing." I forced a small smile. "Are you okay?"

He nodded softly before running a tired hand down his face. "Yeah."

"That didn't sound too convincing." I let out a wary chuckle. "Do you wanna talk to me about it?" I offered as I scooted to one side of the bed, patting my palm on the vacant spot next to me.

He shook his head before accepting my invitation and climbing onto the bed next to me, leaning back against the rickety headboard as he crossed his arms over his broad chest. "It's just shit we have to deal with....nothing worth stressing you out over."

My shoulders slumped a bit at his response, adjusting myself so I was sitting facing him with my legs crossed. "I might not be able to help or....understand any of it, Sam..." I sighed. "But I am here for you. You don't have to shoulder all of this alone."

His tired, green eyes met mine, and he searched them before he exhaled slowly, gnawing at his lower lip as he appeared to debate his next words.

"Dean and I just kinda butt heads about the best way to handle Lilith...that's all." his jaw clenched slightly.

"He wants to use a...'pea shooter and a pig poker' and...you want to use a 'tank'?" I tilted my head, using his own words that I picked up on.

Sam nodded softly, letting his eyes fall to his lap. "We have access to....a weapon..." he started, hesitating with his words a bit. "And it's a very powerful weapon, I know it would work...but Dean is against it and wants to handle it his own way."