Heaven's So Far Away - A Sam Winchester X Female Reader Fic

Chapter 31

Y/N's POV

"YOU DID WHAT!?" 

Bobby scolded me ferociously as he shot up from his chair behind the writing desk. His face was beaming a bright crimson red, and a vein was protruding prominently from his forehead. His hands slammed down on the table hard enough that it caused me to jump slightly.

"Bobby...hear me out..." I breathed cautiously, holding my hands up innocently.

"Oh, I been hearing, Princess! And it sounds to me like you went out there to find whatever part of your mind you fuckin' lost...and then you went and lost the rest of the damn thing!" he yelled.

"Please, just-"

"Do I look like I'm done speakin' to you!?" he continued, marching around to the front of his desk to stand a mere foot away from me, causing me to shy away and grit my teeth.

"When Dean called and told me they were bringin' ya home... I wasn't sure what I was expectin'. I thought you were gonna tell me about some book club or some meditation class with the damn...singin' bowls...or whatever you shrinks use to get your melon back in order. What I wasn't expectin'...was for you to tell me that you went off the GODDAMN DEEP END, and dropped SIXTY-THREE BODIES!!"

"Demons." I muttered through gritted teeth. "I dropped sixty-three demons, Bobby."

"Oh! Oh, I'm sorry! You're so right...now where'd I put that gold medal I picked up for ya? Oh yeah! That's right...I must've left it in the same bag that your goddamn marbles were in when you LOST THEM!!" 

My fists were clenched tightly by my sides, so hard that my nails were digging into my palms and they were quivering. My teeth were grinding so hard together that my jaw began to ache, and my nostrils were flared as I tried to keep my breathing steady.

I knew damn well I had this coming...and I know I deserve it.

The last thing any of them need at this point in time is more stress, and more worry...and yet, I created a fuckton of it, and it all crashed on their shoulders when shit got even more serious, as far as Crowley's involvement goes. 

I know I wasn't thinking...I know I was too caught up in the high of the hunt...I know I was chasing after it, because it distracted me from the pain...it made me feel better about myself...it was probably the most dangerous, unhealthy coping mechanism that I possibly could have turned to. 

And I know this comes from a place of love...it comes from a place of fear for my safety...

But I couldn't deny that I was getting so unbelievably pissed about being spoken to this way. Scolded and berated as if I were a child. Humiliated...while Sam and Dean watched silently from the corners of the room behind Bobby...letting it happen.

Like being choked to death by the King of Hell wasn't enough? Like having the man I consider my brother tell me all the devastation I've caused and threaten to hunt me wasn't enough? Like having the man I love scream in my fucking face wasn't enough? 

I get it....I. Fucking. Get it. 

Everyone is so busy telling me how horribly I fucked up and how far off the reservation I've gone...but no one is taking the time to acknowledge that I wholeheartedly thought I was doing the right thing. I thought I was doing the world a favor. I thought I was doing them a favor.

Sam seemed to understand where I was coming from when I explained everything to him on the ride back...but then he dropped me here in front of Bobby anyway and leaned back against the wall with a smirk on his face...knowing damn well I was about to get my ass handed to me. They both did.