Heaven's So Far Away - A Sam Winchester X Female Reader Fic

Chapter 30

Sam's POV

It's a twenty-two hour drive from Phoenix to Sioux Falls. Just a little shy of a day.

Dean drove the Impala separately...he told me to drive Y/N's van, and her, back to Bobby's by myself...just so we would have a chance to talk alone. But...it wasn't working out too well.

We're about five hours into it now....and Y/N hasn't said a single word since I got her loaded in the car. Not a peep...not a syllable. But, to be fair...I haven't either.

Obviously...I'm feeling every single emotion that exists in this moment...but above all, I feel like I'm just...confused.

When I barged into her motel room, I thought I'd be facing a fight....or an explanation...or something along those lines. Either a 'please, Sam, let me explain' or at least a 'fuck off, Sam...it's my life, don't tell me what to do.'

The last thing I was expecting was for her to be sprinting into my arms and collapsing like that...I for sure wasn't expecting for her to ask me to take her home. I mean, I was going to regardless...but I thought there would at least be a little push back.

Obviously, the way we left things is an entire entity in itself...let alone how much she's apparently changed in the time we've been apart. I was expecting...something a lot different. But here she is...a thousand yard stare in her (e/c) eyes as she gazed out upon the open road ahead of us. Not saying a word...not looking at me...not even crying.

But before we put her in the car...she was hysterical. She didn't answer the door and she was armed and ready to strike...like she was expecting someone else, even though I'm sure Dean had informed her we were coming to get her.

I expected a bit more talking to happen before I finally managed to get her in the car...I for sure thought it wasn't going to be voluntary on her part. 

But the state of her...this wild rollercoaster of emotions she went through in the course of like an hour...the state of her room...all of it was telling me that something must've happened. Something more than what Dean had told me. 

So now that's another thing added to the list of emotions that are driving me fucking insane right now. 

I'm so pissed at her I could scream in her face, I'm so...so happy to see her that I could just break down in tears and pull over just so I can hold her...I'm so confused by every decision she'd made in the past six months...I'm desperate to know where the hell she's even been....and now I'm so worried sick about her that I'm trembling. 

I need so many questions answered, but with the way she looks right now, I feel like one wrong word could snap her in half. She's dissociating right now...as if trying to picture herself anywhere else besides in the van with me...but five hours ago she was acting like she'd just keel over and die if I wasn't holding her up. 

I'd spent the entire ride to Phoenix just rehearsing everything I wanted to say...just going over every single piece of my mind I wanted to give her. And now that she's in my presence like this, all the words got jumbled and my brain just threw all of it out. Which was making me even more fucking frustrated.

So I decided I'd had enough....I needed to be the one to break the ice, here...because at this point I'd rather her tell me to my face that I'm to blame for everything...than sit in silence another fucking second.

I cleared my throat awkwardly as I prepared my best calm, collected voice.

"What happened before we got there?" I muttered.