Heaven's So Far Away - A Sam Winchester X Female Reader Fic

Chapter 25

(Warning: Grab your fucking tissues. Because by the end of this chapter I was balling. You've been warned.)

Y/N's POV

Bobby told me he'd heard from Sam a few days ago.

Apparently, they'd managed to take out War...and they were already moving on to the next leg of their journey.

Obviously, I was thrilled at the news. When all this crazy shit kicked off and the horsemen came into play...no one knew what the fuck they were doing...yet Sam and Dean somehow just flew in, guns blazing...and one of them was already taken out.

It will never cease to amaze me how fucking incredible they are. How much hardship they'd gone through, and how hard they still seem to fight for this world every day.

Being the girlfriend of a Winchester is obviously a full-time occupation by itself...if the job description entails enough anxiety to last you a lifetime piled into every waking moment...a horrible tears to smiles ratio...and an average of about twenty minutes of sleep a day.

It's hard....God, it's so fucking hard. 

But...I promised him I'd see it through. He broke past the barrier of withholding shit from me...he's working his ass off to rebuild our bridge to one another back to its former glory. And based off Bobby's news...he's out there kicking some serious ass. The least I can do is trust him...and be here waiting for him with a big ol' smile on my face whenever he comes home. 

So...I've been busy. Readying myself anyway I can. I can do a full exorcism without reading the words now...I can paint a devil's trap...my defensive fighting skills have improved drastically. I'm nowhere close to their level...but now I can proudly say if a demon pops out of nowhere, I won't die immediately. 

Although...I'm still in that gray area, in some aspects. Like there's some sort of void between civilian life and hunter life...and I'm somewhere smack-dab in the middle. If I engage myself with too much of this insane, supernatural stuff...I feel like I've just lost my grip on reality entirely, and I start to panic.

In contrast...if I focus too much on trying to be a normal person...organize Bobby's garage, do dishes and laundry...read regular books...I feel like I'm not doing enough. I'm not helping at all, I'm just acting as some sort of extra baggage that they all have to lug around. Which also makes me panic.

It's just such an uncomfortable position to be in...every day I slowly feel my sanity slip away...like if you leave a glass of water unattended on the counter for weeks at a time...every day you go back to look and there's just a little less water in it...as it evaporates over time and vanishes into thin air. 

That's how my mental state has felt as time has gone on here at Bobby's house...and I'm still pushing...goddammit...I am pushing as hard as I can for Sam...but here recently, my glass is looking pretty fucking empty. 

All I know is...the next time he walks through that door...he better have some good news with him. And then once he tells me that good news...he and I are taking a car...and going somewhere. Just to forget for a while.

Maybe a beach somewhere...maybe we can drive cross country to Virginia and see what the beach looks like over there...maybe go down to the Outer Banks in North Carolina and just get day drunk and fall asleep on the sand and wake up with horrible tan lines, and then make fun of each other for it. Maybe just pretend the end of the world isn't happening...just for a couple days.

Yeah...that'd be really nice. 

It was a longshot...I know that. But if I don't have hope that one day this entire mess will be over, then what the fuck else do I have?