Right my Wrongs

Chapter 22- It's life

                                                       Ivy

I get in the taxi and drown in the melancholic beats playing on the radio. I drift away from all that is happening around me and get pulled in by thoughts.  I really wish dad was here. 

At my dad's funeral, as I cried my eyes out, my mom's sister Jenna came upto me and said " Don't cry, Ivy. Be your mom's and brother's pillar. You gotta carry this family now.'' For Jenna, it may have been a well-meaning sentiment, but those words left an indelible scar on my soul. I never allowed myself to grieve alongside my mom; instead, I became the pillar of strength for her and my brother. I suppressed my own pain, offering them my shoulder to lean on. But in doing so, I lost sight of my own emotions. Time passed swiftly, and I gradually transformed into a fierce and unwavering person on the outside, all while bearing the hidden callouses and bruises within. The thought of liberating my emotions, even to myself, left me mortified and burdened with guilt. But like for the first time in 3 years, I felt like I could let myself loose and it's all because of Spencer. His presence brings me comfort and I can be the "unfiltered Ivy'' around him. Spencer fits me. But will I with my shattered pieces fit him?

I am drawn back to the conscious as I see Spencer's text pop on my phone screen.

"Hey...Can we talk?'' The text read and my heart pounded.

"Hi..yeah sure.'' I reply

"When can I see you?"

"Tomorrow morning outside Joe's? I was wondering if we could have breakfast together?''

"Yeah sounds good. I'll see you at 9 tomorrow."

Exhausted from the day's events, I collapse onto my bed in the dorm and quickly drift off to sleep. The gentle chimes of the morning alarm jolt me awake from my beauty sleep. Rolling over, I gaze out the window at the snow-covered pine trees. My mind shifts to how I will express my feelings to Spencer as I take a refreshing shower. Putting on my joggers and tying my hair into a neat bun, I send a text to Spencer, informing him that I'm ready and will be down in 5 minutes.

"Cool... I'll see you there," he responds.

Stepping out of the elevator, I'm greeted by the sight of Spencer leaning against the wall with his arms folded.

Swallowing a lump in my throat, I gather my courage and utter, "You wanted to talk?"

"Ivy, I cannot do this anymore," Spencer blurts out, his voice filled with emotion as he looks straight into my eyes.

"Do what?" I ask, my voice barely a whisper.

"I want you... I don't want to, but I do. Ever since I met you, I haven't been able to get you out of my system. Your presence, touch, fingertips, eyes, and lips are like a fucking drug. I can never get enough of you. If I could act on my desires freely, I would kiss you until you drop. Ivy...You fit me. You're the strongest woman I've ever encountered and I know that there's still so much that I don't know about you, but I want to. I want to get to know you, Ivy Brown. Give me a chance."

His impromptu confession catches me off guard. Words escape me, and I struggle to gather my thoughts. Before I can respond, he closes the distance between us, pressing his lips against mine. The world around me fades as he gently pushes me against the wall, his hands encircling my bare waist. A soft moan escapes my lips as our kiss deepens.

Breaking away, he whispers softly in my ear, "Think about what you truly want, Ivy," before walking past me, leaving me stunned.

My thoughts are interrupted by the buzzing of my phone in my pocket.

"Ivy, where are you?'' Jason says through the phone.

"Oh...I..I... was out for a walk...what's up?" 

"I'm outside your door. Come fast...I'm freezing.'' He insists.

As I quickly walk back to my room fear and guilt over powers me. After the episode that took place a few seconds ago, I don't even know how to look Jason in the eye. I'm completely taken aback by Spencer's move. What's even worse is the fact that regret hasn't found a place within me.

"Hi... why are you up so early?" I greet Jason, attempting to regain my composure. I extend my arm to give him a hug, but before I know it, he pulls me in closer, his lips finding my neck. "You smell so good," he whispers in my ear. "I want you right now." His hands gently trace the contours of my face, tucking my hair behind my ears.

"Uh...Jason. I- I'm on my period. And my cramps are creeping in. Omg...fuck....it hurts so bad.''

"Of course... you're on your period. Is something wrong? You've been acting like a really shitty person lately," Jason retorts, his tone laced with frustration.

"Just because I won't have sex with you... you're going to say that I'm a shitty person?" I reply, my voice tinged with hurt and anger.

"Fuck. You know that's not what I meant. You're acting strange, and it's pissing me off," Jason yells, his anger escalating.

"Jason, you're unbelievable," I say.