His Lotus

16

Thamarai

I sigh in relief at mama's inability to articulate the true meaning behind my unknowingly blabbered feelings on that day. And I'm so proud of myself for I've flipped the whole thing and made him believe it's just respect...

Well, I have respect for him as well but I loved him dearly too. But not anymore. I belong to another person now and Deva mama has also changed so much. He has become arrogant...

Initially, I was very embarrassed after I expressed that I had loved him. I decided to not talk to him since then!

During that time, my cousins planned to make my Deva mama regret rejecting them and asked me to block him as well. I obliged to their request instantly as I didn't want to converse with him anyways!

However, when I found Deva mama's 15 missed calls at midnight, I was flabbergasted and felt uneasy because I speculated that he was calling me to confront about my confession.

I was pondering the whole day whether to call him back or not. In the end, I decided to do so as I was moved by his 15 calls.

But it was one of the biggest mistakes I had done in my life! I'm sure it's the girl he was dating who attended the call and only a fool wouldn't be able to comprehend that she was completely drunk.

My disappointment knew no bounds at that incident. Even the little bit of feelings I had for him vanished away!
And I cried so much that day. I know my behaviour contradicts my words but this stupid heart does things without my permission and feels for someone who is so busy enjoying with his girlfriend.

I didn't know what to do.

My future husband was also not engaging in good conversation with me and I felt disgusted by myself for having to hide my feelings for one guy who already has given his heart to someone else and grow feelings for another one who doesn't even treat me as his future spouse.

But what could I do?

I did the only thing I was capable of.

Suppress the sorrowful reality and lose myself somewhere in between the hope that everything is completely fine.

Presently, I'm helping mom in the kitchen to prepare food. Otherwise, at the weekend we would be having our breakfast together in Deva mama's house but as everyone are angry at him, none bothered to follow the custom.

"Get curry leaves from your athai," Amma orders and I hastily rush to my Athai's house where I see Deva's mama's father reading the newspaper.

Greeting him a 'good morning' that he mirrored with a smile, I run to the kitchen and acquired the curry leaves from athai who was in the kitchen.

Deva mama wasn't anywhere in the lounge and I finalized that he must be sleeping. "Thamarai, I need a help, get back here soon," I nod my head at uncle's words and go to my home.

After delivering the curry leaves, I again stroll towards Deva Mama's house and settled on the floor nearby the couch uncle was seated in.

"I think I've lost my near sight. Everything appears blurred. Help me read this," he says and lends me the newspaper. "It is natural for older people to lose their near sight. But don't be worried, we will get a spectacle for your aid!" I utter encouragingly and he smiles back up.

Momentarily, I help him by reading out the news and we both amuse together whenever there comes a horrendous news.

While we were on it, I smell Deva mama's manly fragrance as he descends the stairs, freshly showered and dressed in his casuals. A white T-shirt and black pants.

"Thamarai," at uncle's call, I snap back out of my reverie and begin to focus my eyes on the newspaper again.

As I read so, from my peripheral vision, I see Deva mama seating himself on the couch opposite me.

"Ma, tea!" He yells out to his mother and sits quietly. "Mother-in-law eloped away with her son-in-law after horribly murdering her own daughter --"

Uncle groans. "Enough ma, I can't bear with these news anymore. Read the daily horoscope," I not at him and flip the pages of the newspaper, checking for the said topic.

Once I find so, I start to read out about uncle's horoscope, that is, libra.
"Your house prospers with happiness but there might be few conflicts with your spouse. You have to think keenly about expending money as losses are ought to happen at this time period,"
Uncle sighs. "...I should be careful while talking to your athai," he mumbles and I chuckle back at him.

"Read my horoscope now," Deva mama commands, and I send him a glance before looking into his horoscope, which is Leo.

An astrological sign that's very good with girls. It matches his personality undeniably!

As I begin to read out of context, his mom comes to provide him the tea.

"Your life decisions are most likely poor during this phase. Although you attract people with your looks, your character tends to repel them away. Thus it's time you rectify your behavior, otherwise, you will end up a loner," I flee a peek towards him and found him staring at me unwaveringly, as If he knew that these are my own words and not something that was written in the newspaper.

Meanwhile, my uncle and aunt are controlling their laughter, having caught my wittiness. "Also, there's a possibility that you might be possessing bad energy, hence it's suggested that you worship god every day to present you with a pleasant aura," I end with a nod.

"That's all," I say to him directly and his jaw tightens as he walks up to me and snatches the newspaper from my hand.

It's time to escape!

"Athai, mama (Uncle, aunt) my mom would be waiting for me, I will be back another time!" I inform hurriedly and dash out at the speed of light.

Deva mama would bother me for no reason at all and now that I've provoked him, he definitely wouldn't leave me in peace!

________________________