His Lotus

Epilogue

Thamarai

9 years later

Sunday
7.45am

"Mama, vidunga," (leave) he wouldn't, would he? We'd three kids in the span of eight years and mama seems to have the idea of creating another one.

"Ayo, she's waken up," I swat mama's hand off my tummy and rush towards my one year old, laying on the cradle beside our bed.

"Lachu kutty..." (an endearing term which literally means small) I coo as I swoop her onto my arm. Her name is Dhanalakshmi. It was my selection, I always wanted one of our kid's to have a name that starts with the same letter as Deva mama's but until our third baby, I wasn't offered that chance.

Our first baby was named by Deva mama as Trivikaram. He's eight years old now and is just a xerox of his father, both in his character and looks. He is a carefree and naughty one, contradicting our second child's personality.

During my second pregnancy, I got pain ten days prior to the estimated one and it was raining heavily while I was escorted to the hospital. I'd normal delivery the first time but in the second time, I'd to have caesarean.

And I'd my beautiful daughter. She was named by my amma as Kaarmugil and is four years old at present. The meaning of her name is rainy clouds, matching with the weather she was born in.

Eventhough I'd wanted to name her as Dhanalakshmi initially, I liked the unique name Kaarmugil. She resembles me in appearance. Her dark skin and wide eyes, it was all my genes. And her personality, it concerned me at first but I eventually understood that it's her nature. She's silent and gloomy most of the times, brightening up only to her father's voice and presence. She's completely a daddy's girl and is more closer to him than me. I adored that...the way the daughter-dad duo would chat and burst into laughter, its an heartwarming sight to behold.

"Ponga (go) mama, go and check whether Kaarmugil has brushed her teeth or is again sleeping inside the bathroom," I say to my mama as I perch on the bed and open the zip of my nightgown. Mama rushes inside the restroom and upon heeding his groan, I smile to myself.

She has again slumbered inside the restroom.

Patting my Lachu's head, I let out a sleepy yawn. This baby, my Lachu, a blend of both me and my Deva mama is an angry bird...

Last night, she was crying profusely as though she noted her dad sucking her food off me. Kaarmugil and Trivikaram sleeps in the other room of the apartment. Kaarmugil used to love sleeping on her father's chest but after Lachu's birth, Kaarmugil couldn't sleep peacefully as Lachu would often cry at night, disturbing her sister's sweet slumber.

Hence now, Deva mama would shift between the two rooms. Some days, he would occupy the other room and on other, he would sleep next to me.

And whenever he does so, he would suck the life out of me. My breasts have become huge now and I've become very much chubby. One day, I was crying unstoppably while looking myself at the mirror. Maybe it was my hormones. It was after the birth of our first kid. For four months, we didn't have sex but Deva mama was taking utmost care of me.

I was just very paranoid back then. Heard some cases where husband loses interest in wife after childbirth and connected our lack of intimacy to it. Thought that my Deva mama doesn't want me anymore. I used to act distinct with mama because of it and finally, mama was fed up and we'd an long argument before he ravished me night after night...

He claimed he was afraid that If he would come off as inconsiderate and desperate If he were to become intimate with me after only few months of me giving birth to our baby.