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Welcome to Night Vale (Part 3)

Maya helped us write again. She is amazing. All hail the Glow Cloud.This chapter is Cecil's radio show.

You're one in a million. That means there are 320 of you in the United States. Find yourself. Start an army. Take over a small town. Welcome to Night Vale.

Good evening listeners, I have more information about the two people who appeared in the blue box. One of the people from it is with me now, filling in for an intern today, after the last one -Adam- died. Oh, right. Our condolences to the friends and family of Adam. He will be missed. Also we are now looking for a new intern, to help out. You will be getting college credit. But getting back to our main story. The one with me is blonde and has blue eyes. Her name is Tibby Elizabeth Turner. She is human, but I am not sure about the other one, who did not provide her name.

*teenage girl's voice cuts in*

Her name is The Doctor. And she is an alien.

*Cecil comes back on the mic*

That was Tibby who will be filling me in on some details later. First we must go to other news.

Today is national crush day, you know what that means. Drive your steamrollers up and down the streets crushing your enemies like the vermin they are.

I have just been informed that the sky has turned purple. Purple? What has made it turn this color? Why this color? Why am I asking questions no one knows the answers to?

In other news, there has been a massive concern about the flu virus again. Unfortunately that means that we will now have to sustain purely on the seeds of mangos and the blood of zucchinis again. While we all want to protect our children from the virus, we already know which children will be taken, and who will be turned into a bat this year. Remember, always protect your cat before your cat, your daughter before your son, and the faceless old woman that secretly lives in your homde before your refrigerator. And now, traffic.

Drivers have been warned to stay off the roads, as there is a billboard that causes intense emotion and we do not want anyone to crash because of this. What even is emotion? It is simply an abstract concept. How do we know that we all feel upset when we describe our feelings as upset. Just how we couldn't know if people were seeing different colors. A person could see a purple sky, but because they were taught that the sky is blue, to them purple would be blue. And blue might be red. And red might be green. And so on. Our own reality could be an illusion instead of us seeing the real world. You cannot be sure that you exist, or that this world exists.This has been traffic.

I have recently been informed that Carlos (and his perfect hair)  are currently investigating why the sky has turned purple. He says that-

*random background noises*

*Tibby's voice in background* Oops! Sorry! That was the sonic. Just testing it out. Sorry!

*Cecil's voice* Okaaaay... and back to the story. Carlos says that he doesn't know why the sky has turned that shade of purple we all know and cannot describe, but he and other scientists are looking into it, and not to worry. That's right listeners, do not worry. The most talented scientist, who is also my boyfriend,  is working on it. It's okay. Do not worry.

In other news, old women Josie says that the beings named Erika, which are not angels, because they do not exist, are watching over her always. Since all the supposed angels are named Erika it is hard to tell which "angel" she is talking about, and since they are all watching over her, we have gone to the max to call them all stalkers.

Listeners, I have just gotten word that chairs are rebelling against us. They have demanded, I don't know how because they don't have mouths, that they are granted the right to vote. The chairs are teleporting around the rooms, and have threatened to continue to do so unless they have the right to vote. The City Council has decided to grant them their wish. The chairs are currently voting about the issue of raising the minimum price they can be bought for. If this passes, then the lowest price you can pay to buy a chair would be $10 instead of the $9.99 it is now.And now a message from our sponsor:

Humans get hungry. Animals get hungry too. Feed your pet with ripe tomatoes grown fresh from the Community Greenhouse. While you're there you should also see a few of the other plants growing there such as the biting mint, the mutant venus fly trap that has been known to eat pets and small humans, and the plant for which we have no name yet is growing... feathers? So come to the Community Greenhouse and get your pets (and yourself) some delicious vegetables!

And now more on the mysterious Doctor. Tibby informed me during the break that she and the Doctor were travelling to a planet called Zatheothea. According to Tibby the people there have three eyes and tentacles. 'That's what the Doctor said at least, but I'm not sure, she gets things mixed up a lot.' Tibby said. When asked where she thought she was she replied 'I'm not sure, I know this town is Night Vale, but what planet, Earth? This town is far too strange to be on Earth. And trust me, I've been to some pretty weird places.' Well we are on Earth as far as I know. And Night Vale is perfectly normal. Who told you it is not? They were lying. Lying is forbidden. You should report them. Everything is fine. We are fine. Who told you we weren't? They were lying. They only tell lies anD DO NOT EXIST. WE ARE FINE. ALL IS FINE. And now, the weather.

(Listen to Handlebars by Flobots https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HLUX0y4EptA )

I have just been told that the Community Greenhouse has been put out of business due to the lack of customers. Unfortunately our new intern -Alex- went to the Community Greenhouse a few hours ago and has not returned. I do not know if they have been eaten by one of the plants, or feels really passionately for the plants and has spent the last few hours tending to them. Whichever one of the fates that has befallen Alex. I hope that they are happy with where they are now.  Our condolences to Alex's family and friends. Until next time.

Good night, Night Vale. Good night.

*:*:*:*

~Note from _books_are_awesome_~Hello mushrooms! Tis I, Sophie! I got the crush day thing from a random instagram post I saw, and so is the intro. Okay, so now an update on my life because why not. AUDITIONS FOR NEXT YEAR'S FALL SHOW WERE A TWO WEEKS AGO AND I FAILED AND WANTED TO CRAWL IN A HOLE. Oh, and my friends are going to different high schools so that will be sad. Really sad. :(  I'm not going to see them much over the summer either. This is depressing. I'm just going to make myself sadder. Oh well. I'll still be able to be in touch and all but it will be hard. Also there is a lot of binary coming up and I'm sorry if you thought this was a long update. I'm so sorry.

 

~Note from Mayo3452~Sup guys. On the bright side I get to make a note after my cousin's depressing note. So I would like to tell you that I totally ROCKED my Advanced Band audition! I think I may have gotten first chair French Horn! *Fluttershy voice* yay. (you can't have a nightmare if you never dream.) -please vote for the chapter if you understand the reference.

BBC OWNS DOCTOR WHO WELCOME TO NIGHT VALE IS A PRODUCTION OF COMMONPLACE BOOKS Also please go follow Maya (Khoshekh42) that is both her wattpad and fanfiction.net username so go read her stories!