Our Fate [OUR SERIES #2]

CHAPTER 29

'Are you jealous? If you're that mad, you can join us. I haven't experienced threesome but let's give it a try.'

__

“GET a hold of yourself, Dhayne.” I reminded myself as I tried a lot of methods to bring back my focus. 

I’ve been looking at the screen of my computer for almost an hour but I couldn’t type anything. I don’t even know what I was supposed to do. My mind kept on wandering about Thana and wherever she might be. 

Today marks the fourth month since she disappeared. And I’m getting tired of pretending to be okay with it. I can feel my body slowly losing hope and my heart getting numb each day. The fluid inside my body drains as I cry my eyes out each night. 

“Have you done the presentation I told you to do?” I got startled when Leigh suddenly appeared in my office. 

“Hindi pa.” walang gana, halos walang buhay na sagot ko. Sumandal ako sa kinauupuan ko habang natutula sa screen ng computer ko. 

“Why? Dalawang linggo ko na ‘yang pinapagawa sa ‘yo, Dhayne. I need that tomorrow!” galit na aniya. 

Edi sana ikaw yung gumawa. “I don’t know what to do.” mahinang sagot ko sa kanya. Saglit ako nitong tinignan at nawawalan ng pasensyang sinuklay ang buhok niya gamit ang daliri niya. 

Gayle took a leave in her career. Rason kung bakit si Leigh na ang incharge sa lahat ng importanteng bagay sa department namin. And I am not helping at all. Mukhang dumagdag pa nga ako sa mga pasanin ni Leigh dahil sa halos araw araw na rin akong wala sa sarili. 

Sa tuwing nasa loob ng classroom ay pinapabasa ko lang ang mga estudyante ko at wala nang ibang ginawa kundi ang umupo sa table ko at hayaan silang mag self study. I became toxic each day and I couldn’t find something that would heal me. 

Every time I try to force myself to move forward, I lose and get lost in the process. I doubted every good thing that I am heading towards and decided to get back on being miserable. 

I want to live in this moment where I feel nothing. I am afraid of trying to make a move for me to get better because of the consequences it may cause. It’s like a constant pattern of my life. 

Something good is going to come. I’ll feel cloud nine for a short period of time and get hurt. Rebuild myself for a few years and repeat. 

Eventually, I got tired of the pattern. I just want to stay like this, forever. 

“HINDI ka ba magla-lunch?” Professor Monique Salvatore was the next person who barged in my office that day. 

I’m not sure when was the last time I saw her and some of my co-professors. Mukhang bago sa ‘kin ang makita siya. 

“Wala akong gana eh.” matamlay na sagot ko. 

“Professor Montana and I are going to the Bar D’Montero later. You wanna join us?” 

Umiling ako. “I don’t know. Actually, wala akong gana gumawa ng kahit na ano, Monique.” I deliberately called her by her first name. “I feel like… I don’t know.” A sigh of disappointment came from my mouth for not being able to say what I wanted to. 

I feel dreadful for not being able to express what I felt. If only I had courage, maybe these people would help willingly. If only I would allow them, they would be grateful to help. 

“Dhayne, I think you need a break.” si Professor Montana na kakapasok lang. 

“I think so too.” sagot naman ni Professor Salvatore sa kanya.