Rosa: A Wangxian Reincarnation Story

Doubts

Meng Yao looked up as the door slowly opened and Wei Wuxian smoothly entered with the tray. He was shocked because he expected Lan Zhan. He was even more astonished when the tall, taciturn Lan himself closed the door behind Wei Ying without sparing a glance at Meng.

It made him nervous.

"I have brought you some lunch."

"Thank you. You did not have to."

"I know." Wei Wuxian smiled calmly. "But while we discuss your request, you will be treated courteously. I owe you that."

"You owe me nothing."

"You are wrong. Back in our first lifetime, mine, Lan Zhan's, and yours as well, we became indebted to you. During the Meng's Keep seige, you returned from hell and prevented Lan Xi Chen from killing your mother in such a brutal fashion that his mind and soul would have been tarnished beyond redemption.

You remember, I think, that Lan Zhan loves only a tight group of friends. His brother is one of his most important persons. By saving Lan Xi Chen, you saved Lan Zhan. I am indebted."

"That was hundreds of lifetimes ago. And my own debt to you all is infinite. There is not enough time to erase it."

Wei Ying sat in the guest chair, his eyes cloudy, disturbed. "Time has no meaning. And sometimes it does not heal certain wounds. They dig too deep."  His hand was steady as he poured a glass of cool water.

"Have you put all of yours in the past yet? The question is rhetorical and the answer to it, is no. No more than us. Our natures are innate and hard to refashion. I still want to run to rescue, heedless and unhesitant. Lan Zhan still rushes into the fires I set for myself and brushes the embers from my feet after dragging me from the flames."

"Even still?"

"Of course. There are nights, especially now, since the return of Xue Yang, where I dream of my decision to fight everyone you had turned against me; it is the curse of remembering ones' past lives. I find myself back on the rooftops seeing my sister lying dead in my brother's arms. I see thousands of dying below and believe they are because of my actions. And when I surface, Lan Zhan has gripped my arm in his sleep, trying to pull me from my enemies and fly me away. He is dreaming of the same dreadful night, as I do. Tandem terrors, tandem dreams. "

"Then there is no hope? I cannot win your trust."

"If we decide you are sincere and wish an end to this madness as much as we do, then we will fight and include you by our side, If you betray us; if you cause harm to my Lan Zhan or any of our family, I will make Lan Xi Chen 's plans for your mother seem like child's play. It has been many centuries and many lifetimes. But I mean every word I say. I am not the pushover you once used and destroyed. It will benefit you to remember that."

Meng swallowed hard. The mild and clouded gray eyes had turned a glittering steel, deadly and hard. Remorseless and cold. Meng felt a chill. He was seeing the part of Wei Ying that lay hidden from all but this group of warriors. A man who would stop at nothing to protect and avenge his family.

"I...understand.'

A charming grin broke across Wei Ying's face. "Good. We comprehend each other for once, Meng Yao." He reached over and patted the other man's trembling hand.

"Please! Enjoy your meal."

Meng Yao obeyed, although it tasted like dust. Food was only a source of fuel to him. Like most of life, it was devoid of pleasure. 

His sins still weighted heavily on his shoulders, the physical companions of guilt and self-loathing. Worse than his punishments in hell, was this eternal loneliness he inhabited. His only companion, Mingue,  was one he stood to lose in order to save him, and if they chose not to believe him, he even stood to fail in that. He choked back tears, gulping water to wash them down with every bite after bitter bite.