Toni
"Baby, come on." She shook her head. "Aren't you hungry?" She shook her head. "Come on, babe."
"No!" She buried herself in the covers and pillows. I don't know what happened, but Janet hit this wall two days ago and hasn't been out of this bed for more than five minutes, except for baths and to use the restoom. She won't tell me what happened and I'm being as patient as possible because whatever it was had to be big for her to fall this hard.
"Baby." I laid next to her and pulled her. "Come on." I pulled her into me and she held onto me. "What's wrong? Talk to me." I felt my shirt get wet and I felt her shaking. My heart broke a little. In these moments, I remember how fragile she is. I remember how small she is too. "Talk to me, baby." She started talking but her words were muffled. I lifted her head out of my chest. "One more time."
"Ummm...I...uhhhh...I'm so tired."
"Tired of what?"
"This. Life. I can't take it."
"What happened?"
"I just can't."
"Baby, you were so happy a few days ago. The happiest I've ever seen you. You had all this energy. What happened?"
"I don't know. I'm just so ready to just....lay here and die."
"Don't talk like that. What about all the things you were happy about?" She shrugged and turned over.
"I want to be alone, Toni."
"Janet..."
"Uhhh. Ahhhh!" She screamed into her pillow. What is going on? I had to figure it out.
"Okay, baby." I kissed her cheek. "I'll come check on you later." She groaned and started to cry. I left out and took out my phone to make a call.
"What's up, Shaq?"
"You got one more time to call me Shaq, Gil."
"Sorry. What's up?"
"Did something happen two days ago with Janet?"
"No. Why?"
"She's been in bed for two days and won't get up. She's talking about life being too much and how she's done."
"I'll come over. I'll bring Preston too."
"Okay."
"See you soon." I hung up and waited.
"Hey, mama." Miyah came up to me.
"Hey, sweetie."
"Is mommy out of bed yet?" She looked so hopeful.
"Not yet." Her face dropped.
"Ok." She walked away. It broke my heart seeing my daughter sad like this. I followed behind her.
"Sweetie. Is there something you needed?"
"No. I just wanted to ask mommy something."
"You can ask me."
"No. It's me and mommy's thing." She went into her room. My heart broke even more. Amiyah and Janet have been like the same person since she was born. I wouldn't be surprised if she was a little depressed right now. The two of them mirror each other. I sometimes wondered if Amiyah was who Janet was as a child.
She's often sad and keeps to herself unless she's talking to TJ or Amelia. That reminds me of when Janet said she would only talk to Mike or Rebbie.
Thinking about that made me feel worse about how I reacted to her behavior when he passed. I mean, if something happened to TJ right now, I wouldn't be surprised if Miyah never wanted to get out of bed again. They were best friends. They talk about everything.
