Janet
I sat on the couch in Patricia's house with nerves running through my body. She invited me over when she knew I wanted to talk and she said that since we're friends, she didn't want the constraints of a session.
"Okay, Jan. Here's some tea for you." She handed me a cup and sat next to me.
"Thank you."
"So, I was surprised you called me. You seemed pretty adamant on avoiding everything."
"I know, but I did something the other day and I'm not proud of it."
"What happened?"
"I hit my son." Her eyes got big.
"Really? What did he do?"
"Nothing. It was me."
"Interesting. Explain that to me." I sighed.
"Missy said that my boys are like me, especially Tommy and it just set me off."
"Why?"
"Tommy left home and went down a crazy path for a while. It just reminded me of when I was his age and did all my crazy stuff."
"You mean..." I nodded. "Your abortion?"
"Yeah. And..." I sighed. "......I...ummm......it wasn't James's baby." She sat up.
"Who's was it?" I felt a lump in my throat.
"Joe's." She sat up in shock.
"What?"
"Yeah. Him and my mother tried to be friends. So at point mother had to go with Mike and had Joseph just keep an eye on me during the night. He....uhhh....he....ummm....you know. I didn't find out until I was already married to James. I had to tell him what happened and James was pissed. He wanted to kill my father and he was going to. I didn't want James to get into trouble so I aborted the baby. Joe took so much anger out on my mother and he beat her. Even though I am not responsible for his actions, the whole thing started because I told my mother that I wanted to marry James and Joe didn't like that." I cried.
"Janet, how long have you held onto that?"
"For so long. I just always thought it was like the other times I was raped and I've been raped so many times, I just got used to it."
"Yeah, but Janet this is different. This was your father."
"Yeah, but..."
"No buts. You need to understand that no matter what he did and what excuses you make, he is your father, a man who failed at his very basic duty. Do you understand that our fathers are very important, they determine what type of partner we end up with, rather it's good or bad."
"But I had picked guys before he messed up."
"Janet, when did he first actually mess up?" I thought for a minute.
"Well, I forgot how young I was, but one night I got out of the tub and he beat me. I had welts all over my body and even bleed."
"How old were you?"
"Umm...around six."
"And tell me right now, what your perfect idea of a partner is."
"Umm...someone who's nice and respectful. Someone who's willing to change for the right person and reason. I've always imagined myself with someone who needed help with their soul and needed help with getting the better side of them out. Likes to read and has the means to take care of a family. Honestly, someone who can save or protect me."
"That's beautiful." I nodded. She grabbed my hands.
"But, you do know that you describe practically every Disney prince, right?" I shook my head.
"No."
