Pavane for a Lost Boy (Or Rather, How to Survive Loss after Rejection)

Chapter Fifteen

Dear Journal,

It looks like my first full week at Pacifica Glades High School of the Arts has been full of surprises as of late. Everyone's eyes are now on me, but in a positive way since I somehow gain cred after playing the piano in the bandroom during my break period and gaining an audience. And just this past Wednesday, I had joined the men's aquatics team as a diver since I did compete back at the nearby YMCA back in the 'hood. With that came many new connections and some new faces who promised me to help me through this journey of finding my center.

I admit that being in the spotlight is not my usual forte since it was Demarcus and DeSean who were the stars of the athletic world while the sisters were part of the socialite era. Mom always accused me of either being a wallflower or a jealous wannabe even if I didn't bother with even putting myself out there. But that was when everyone was alive and I was content with being faceless in the crowd and keeping myself out of trouble.

I'm also going to admit this when I say that I still think that some of this stuff going on around me- being the center of attention and all- is a bit too good to be true or a dream that's on the verge of slipping away from me and I'm back at the abandoned apartment or me facing death after my suicide attempt. I mean, none of this was originally planned for me since I never gave myself a chance. I was content of hiding away to avoid being accused of showing off. And there might come a day when someone is out to make sure that I either slip up or would actually want me dead so he or she could steal the spotlight. But knowing Dr. Nguyen, I know that he'll lay it into me for not speaking life to myself with all the negative thoughts and possibilities hanging around in my head no thanks to Mom and her words of poison. So I'm just going to have to learn to encourage myself in all situations- good, bad, ugly, and everything in between while living my life one day at a time.

As far as Ryan "Golden-Boy" Peavey is concerned, I'm keeping my distance from him even though we say 'hi' to each other while heading for our classes. And after that moment between him and Jillian Kendricks alongside her friendly-yet-chilly advice to stay away from him, I'm not too sure if I want to know him better. With my life how it is right now, it's all the more reason to focus on me.

Wish me luck, friend. I know that I'll need it more than ever.

**********

Two weeks into the new school year and things started to click into place with me still being the hot topic. And now, I was currently heading for the vending machine for a quick snack to enjoy during my break period with plans for some studying for the first American Literature test.

"Hey there, cutie pie."

I looked up to stare right into the eyes of Jillian Kendricks who was in her "popular girl" glory with her platinum-blonde hair in a ponytail and dressed as if ready to hit the mall. With her were two equally-stunning young women who looked as if they were her friends. And the three of them alone could make any boy beg to be the perfect boyfriend for both of them (or a gay best friend for all of them). "Hello, yourself," I said. "Break period."

"Of course," replied the dark-skinned young woman on Jillian's left. "Jilly told Epiphany and me all about you and how you seem to hit it off with her during Peavey's barbeque weeks ago. Name's Serenity McVeigh."

"I'm Epiphany Sutton," commented the statuesque brunette at Jillian's right as she gave me a warm smile. "And you must be Demario Bader."

"That I am," I replied as I shook hands with the two girls.

"Anyway, Bader, it looks like everyone is still buzzing about you as you're the hottest topic around here," Jillian commented, her eyes flashing above the LED lighting. "Even more so since your bandroom concerto last week."