Fifty Shades of EraserMic (Shades of EraserMic #1)

Lacey Confidence

It was a quiet few days following the little fiasco with the chastity cage but to Shouta it felt heavy, suffocating with his guilt permeating through every little bit of him whenever he was alone with his husband. While they had yet to resume their sex life, had yet to mend the gap that felt wider than ever to him, he was drowning in the guilt that had plagued him since he had thrown his white flag up. He felt like he had not once but twice now fucked things up; he knew realistically he hadn't, that there wasn't anything wrong with stopping because something was wrong, but his brain wouldn't stop its traitorous little thoughts.

It worsened each time the blonde sighed quietly against his scalp, his arms tight around him tugging him to his chest. It worsened when the blonde would sneak off to the bathroom when he thought Shouta was asleep. He hated that his husband, the one person that he should be doing all he could for, was sneaking off to masturbate in the bathroom of all places. He wouldn't even do it in the bed or the same room as Shouta anymore which made his heart ache.

Of course, they cuddled, they twisted together in the sheets as tight as they could and skin pressing where it was possible, but as for sexual needs? They weren't being met. It was like Hizashi was the one spooked by what had happened, and it killed him that he was being assured over and over he did nothing wrong, but his husband was suffering. He offered whenever he could to help; whether it was to talk to him, whether it was to help touch him or even to go down on the blonde it was all gently refused in a way that made him feel worse.

It made him wish the blonde would straight out snap at him to leave him alone rather than that gentle voice politely refusing. He tried to focus on work again, tried to center his time on learning new hairstyles that Eri insisted and begged him to try on her hair for school the next day and tried to focus on training Hitoshi whenever he could. Grading, teaching, patrolling, all of it was blending but it wasn't doing its job of keeping him busy or distracted.

Not when most nights he could hear the way that his husband's panting, the quiet muffled moans rang out most nights from behind a locked bathroom door until he was shifting restlessly before deciding to go out for a walk. Anything to get the energy out of him. Of course, it wasn't odd for him to go on late night ventures with his capture weapon until he was burnt out, yet he felt absolutely wracked with guilt when he would come back to see Hizashi shifting in the bed.

Throwing his limbs out with that same restless energy that had been burning in him as the blankets twisted around his legs and his face scrunched up as if he were distressed even in his sleep. It would disappear when he crawled under the sheets with him and while it felt good to help be a little respite for his husband in those times, he needed to do more. He wanted to do more. He didn't think either of them could last a second, let alone another day, without the touches he knew that the blonde craved as much as he did.

It honestly worsened; it became unbearable now that he'd gotten just a little taste of it. And that's how it led him down a rabbit whole of both the list along with how he could make it up to his husband. How he could really ease them back into the challenge, into checking off the list again, which is where he found himself making another purchase that he didn't think he would have ever made in a million years.

It was tame, so unbearably tame, but the thought of what Hizashi would do to him when he saw it on him was worth it. That's perhaps why he didn't feel as much embarrassment as he thought he would when he was snatching the box off of the front doorstep, carrying it to the bedroom and shooing the cats out of the room. Like he had predicted they did indeed end up agreeing to take ownership of the little spitfire that Hizashi had lovingly named Sterling, the kitten's adjustment was- well, it was going.

She of course seemed to take to Hizashi, surprisingly, and she followed Cosmo or even Cappella wherever they went with her little collar jingling merrily. He felt a bit bad at just how fast she bolted out of the room when he shooed the cats off of it, her little feet barely touching the floor it seemed and he shut the bedroom doors sighing softly. He turned back to the bed shaking his thoughts from his head, the words clinging like cobwebs, as he walked over to the bedside table on Hizashi's side to tug the drawer open tugging the scissors out.