Broken Vessel (AMOG Series #1)

Kabanata 02

Kabanata 02

Good

"Kailan daw deadline, Gab?"

As is our usual routine, every time we don't have classes or even during our break time, we immediately go to the library to study. Pero minsan kapag hindi na talaga, pumupunta kami sa river at doon magpapalipas ng oras. Hindi ko alam pero sa barkada namin, hindi lang pag aaral ang ginawa namin. Kundi ang magsaya. Parang na enjoy lang namin ang ganitong buhay na meron kami. 

"Sa Tuesday daw sabi ni Ms. Aribal. Tentative date pa naman 'yan dahil baka mag rereview tayo next for upcoming midterm."

I think about how hard life will be in the years that come, which scares me out. The responsibilities I need to carry at home and the pressure I need to endure from the expectations of everyone are beyond my own perspective. Yet, now, I am thankful enough that my mother didn't pressure me with my studies. 

I may say I enjoy studying or even think that studying is the easiest thing for a student to have. At some point, it's right. But on the other side, it doesn't. Expectations, financial responsibility, mental health—everything! It was just that the payment wasn't just the money, but yourself.

Habang bata pa, enjoy na muna.

"‘Di ba, sa biology 'yon…" Hindi ko na masyadong narinig dahil sa iniisip ko.

Paulit-ulit kong iniikut ang ballpen sa lamesa. Habang nakatulala akong tumitingin sa libro. Nagulat nalang ako nang hawakan ni Tan ang braso para pigilan sa ginagawa. Inangat ko ang tingin sa kaniya. His darkened eyes became softer like a mallow.

"Are you bored?" he asked.

Tumango ako. " Kind of. May iniisip din ako."

Nilingon ko sina Gab at Ysa habang nag aaral sa harapan namin. Tila sa sobrang seryoso nila hindi na nila napapansin ang nasa paligid nila.

"Thinking of him again." It's not a question, and there's even something bitter about it.

I rolled my eyes. We talked again last week about the issues. I tried so hard to help him move on from me. Alam kong hindi basta basta, 'yon mawawala lalo pa at lagi kaming nagkikita. Kaysa naman, papaasahin mo siya sa isang bagay na hindi ko maibigay sa kaniya ng patas. I'd rather hurt him with the truth than make him happy with lies.

Those are two different types of pain.

"Tan…" I called.

He aggressively sighs this time and turns to his book. I looked at him with my worried self.

"I know. I fucking know how much you adore Obed. Indeed, personality is more attractive than looks."

I bow my head a bit.

"Very funny. I may be worshipping Him, but I keep cursing."

"Tan, you are my friend."

"Alam ko! In your perspective, it wouldn't change the fact that we were merely friends. and that I can't be Obed, the person you adore now."

I don't even have that answer to why I couldn't love Tan the way he gave me. Maybe the fact that all I think about him is being my friend forever. I see my future in Tan, but sadly, only he is a friend and will be there for me when I need it. He is not a lover God prepared for me, but he is my best friend that He gave me for a reason. 

"I only adore him, Tan. I don't love him."

"I didn't say you loved him, Bethany." I see sadness in those black eyes of his where he shouted something his mouth couldn't speak about. "I've been waiting for you for almost half of my life. I only have a year of chances to tell you about my feelings for you. But only in just one fucking day that makes my knees drop on the floor than those years I fought about keeping these feelings to avoid the painful rejection.”