Broken Vessel (AMOG Series #1)

Kabanata 22

Kabanata 22

Worried

“Nakakamiss na ganito tayo ulit,” masaya niyang sabi habang sinusubo ang kaniyang pagkain.

Bumalik na nga kami sa kung ano kami noon. It's been two weeks already since we were like this. Hindi naman alam ng mga kaibigan ko dahil patago ko siyang niyaya.

My smile is back again.

“Oo nga, eh.” I agree with him.

Inangat niya ang tingin sa akin. He is still the same. His face is still the same, even after more than a month that we haven't seen each other again.

“Nasabi sa akin na nag bible study kayo ni Amare?” seryoso niyang tanong sa akin.

Hindi ko alam kung bakit ako kinabahan sa tanong niya. Umiwas ako ng tingin, at hindi ko iyon binalik sa kaniya. I can still sense that his eyes are on me. Pero nakayuko lang ako sa pagkain ko.

“O-Oo… matagal na rin iyon, kasi tumigil na ako ngayon…” doon ko ulit inangat sa kaniya ang aking tingin.

Kahit na ngumiti siya, hindi iyon umabot sa kaniyang tainga. The tension in my mind and body overpowers me right now. I feel so nervous staring into his serious eyes.

“Gano'n ba? Bakit naman?” tanong niya pagkatapos muling tinuunan ng pansin ang kaniyang pagkain.

Biglang nawala ang ngiti niya. Nang hindi pa ako naka sagot sa kaniya. He gazes at me again; this time his eyes are full of curiosity.

“Nawalan ako ng gana, eh… I mean sa lahat ng bagay noong umalis ka nang hindi man lang nagpaalam…” 

Nanlaki ang mga mata niya sa akin. Kumunot naman ang noo niya.

“So totoo nga ang sinabi ni Mashlee na umiiyak ka nga?” muli niyang tanong.

Natatakot man na aminin ko iyon, kaso kusang tumango ang aking ulo. Mas lalo akong napayuko. Naramdaman kong nag react ang aking katawan. At parang may namumuong luha sa aking mga mata.

“I'm so sorry, Bee…” maamo ang kaniyang boses ngayon. “Hindi ko alam iyon. Kahapon ko lang nalaman kung hindi sinabi sa akin ni Mashlee.”

“It's okay…” I only uttered that when I couldn't even give him the words that I wanted to say.

I slowly lifted my gaze at him. My lips parted as I saw him looking intently. His eyes scream louder than his mouth. The eyes say something to me more than how much he says through his mouth.

I know that he is sorry for me, but why do I still want more than his apology? I crave something more so much that I can't even explain what it is.

“Palagi kong tanong ito sa sarili ko.” I stopped a bit when I felt pain in my chest. My throat suddenly feels as dry as my lips. “Why did you leave when it took you so long to come back?” I asked with so much courage.

He didn't answer me this when I asked him, and now I was hoping that he could, because I am craving it.

His gaze slowly becomes tender as I can feel the moistness in my eyes. Ito na naman tayo. Muli na naman ako naging mahina. 

One thing I don't want to see in people is how weak I am. I don't want them to see my vulnerability. That's something I am afraid to show them. Because I was known to be strong, not weak like this.

Yet now, I couldn't recognize myself. 

"I told you that I was confused, Bee,” he slowly says, as if he is very careful with his words.

Naguguluhan ako. “Confused about what? Obed, I never pressured you to give me a commitment. Saan ka ba naguguluhan?”

He shook his head repeatedly, like he was totally confused.