The Joker And The Fool

3.(2) The origin of the Fool

3.2 "Out of the frying pan...

Diana was determent that she would live to see beyond the Joker's torture. Not just because she was tired of the pain and loneliness, but for the sake of clear rationality.  For a long time, she had only vainly thought of her pain and misery. She had only vainly questioned why she was bestowed with it. But in a moment of clarity, she suddenly realised the vast importance of her survival. As she was separated from the outside world, it seemed that her only threat (yet also her only hope) was the Joker. But she hadn't thought of what would happen to her if anything should happen to him. She had not thought of what would happen if he were arrested, or if he were killed. If anything, she did not think that he had ever told anyone of her mere existence. She calculated her options carefully and decided that she had been afraid for too long.

When she lived under his bidding for too long, she was greatly affected by their relationship. It was clear that he was the one who had obtained dominance (though, that had been clear for a longer while). Diana was vain and narcissistic, but still she had been moulded into a somewhat submissive position. She knew very well how she thought of him, but she rarely dared to speak her mind. There had never been one occasion in which her thoughts had not been punished with violence. He wanted her to understand how different he was from others. And for that matter, he wanted to feel special. That was why he was so sickly proud of his position towards her. He was the only man who had ever made her feel insecure. Which indeed would emphasise the difference between him and other men. She was the most beautiful woman there could be. She was more than a woman. But still, he would be able to make her feel less. For he wanted her to understand how unimportant she was.

After such a long time, one would wonder, why not give into it a little? Many would think that one would have given up after these months. And if confessing to him was the only way to get out of the situation, why not simply confess? This was because Diana was too obsessed and too convinced with her own lies, that she would not do so. Perhaps she could, if she wanted to. But admitting to that part of herself, and actively contemplating on it, could bring back any desire to inflict physical harm upon other people. For that was the source of her problems. She had once felt the need, whenever she wanted, to harm people. She knew mot why, for she felt nothing by it. but that was the sole and real reason why she had once killed someone. And she was lucky to have gotten away with it. she was lucky to have received some form of psychiatric help. For she had been able to supress that need for more than nine years. So, perhaps she did believe that some mental illnesses were able to be cured.

How long does it take for a person to be declared dead? Not just a week or so, not even a month. Surely, she had to have been there for half a year. Surely.

She denied Joker the pleasure of breaking her, but she realised that she needed to find a way, any other way, to leave him. Though Diana was a particularly skilled liar to both herself and others, she could not be able to believe the lie that she was stronger than him. And if she could not believe it, she would be unable to act the part. But what if she could pretend to be another person for a while? Diana did not know it at the time; Joker was absolutely and undoubtably right. For the voice Diana spoke to, the voice she heard in her mind when she was alone or in trouble. It was no creature, no mental disorder. She was no schizoid. That voice belonged to herself, to her own mind. They were not a separate being, they were one. but not knowing that, she allowed it to take control over herself. Not knowing that it would fuel that what she hoped to avoid. She imagined the eight arms of that spider which meant to weave its web within her mind, could close about her. She slowly transformed herself into the terrifying character that had haunted her forever, she became the spider. And quite terribly, she had never felt more like herself.

She did not realise what she would create with her act, she did not realise that she had always misunderstood such a grave part of herself. She erased the small (self-taught) part of herself that had a particular emotional level of which she could not comprehend anything. Which, in time would destroy her.